Episode 105: For Perfectly Imperfect Mothers

Most of us think that we’re supposed to be good parents. And we make that mean that we shouldn’t make any mistakes and, if we are doing our job right, our children shouldn’t either.  We think it means that our children will be happy and successful. The trouble is that so much of what we call “success” in mothering and parenting are things that we have no control over.

In this episode of the podcast, I’m sharing four things that you can let go of in order to love your parenting and increase your connection with your children. I’ll show you how in all your imperfection you are exactly what your children need and how all your ideas of perfect parenting are only getting in the way of being able to love your children as you are. 

I don’t know what it is about mother’s day, but for a lot of us, it's just a painful reminder of all the ways we are failing. In general, I think the feelings of shame, inadequacy, and regret are much more persistent and ever-present for mothers.

What I find is that we tend to celebrate on Father’s Day, but on Mother’s Day, the mothers are just excruciatingly aware of all the reasons they deserve no celebration because they have failed in so many ways.

So today's episode is for all of you parents and especially you mothers who think you could be doing better, who think you should be doing better, who think you just have to do better, and who just wish they could figure out how to do better. 

Today I want to offer you the following ideas. 

1. First, that our children are supposed to suffer and we create less suffering when we stop trying to change that. 
2. Second, I want you to know that your children’s results are none of your business. 
3. The last thing I want to offer you to help you in your parenting is to accept where you are and who you are and how you are doing it.

So as you listen today keep these things in mind and remember that parenting is the hardest job there is because it just brings up all of our own stuff. All the negative thoughts our brains have about us just get brought up again and again as a parent.

But if you can stop making yourself wrong for doing it wrong, it makes it so much easier. Happy Mother’s Day!

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Rumi:  "Out beyond our ideas of wrongdoing or right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there."  

To read or download a written transcript of the entire episode, simply click the link below.