Episode 47: Don't Wait to Love the Life You Are Living

One of the thoughts that can be the most painful and detrimental for us is that "we are waiting for things to get better" or "waiting for things to be back to normal."

This thought makes our current life unacceptable and a little unbearable.  It leaves us feeling like we need to escape it or wait for a different version of our life to show up before we can be happy.  

This is such an easy trap to fall into as humans.  We always think it will be better then—that where we are is hard, and "better" is out in the future.  We find ourselves thinking that a different version of our life, our circumstances, the people we love, or even a different version of ourselves, would be preferable. 

But thinking this way only makes us miss the life we have for the life we wish we were living. 

The awesome news is that you don't need to wait for things to change in order to love the life you are living.  You don't have to wait for a place without pain or hardship to also feel joy.  Your agency allows you to choose to love what is—right now—in all its heaviness and all its magic.  And in this episode we're talking about how to do just that.  

It's easy for each of us to miss the life we have for the life we wish we were living. 

We find ourselves waiting for things to change to love our life.  We are waiting for people to change and be different.  And we are waiting to love ourselves as well.  We would really love it if a different version of our life or others or ourselves would show up.  And we think we can't love our life like it is in the meantime.   

So I want to talk today about loving what is and not waiting to be happy, not waiting to love your life.  

It's Not Better There Than It Is Here

It is never better there than it is here.  This is a lie our brain loves to tell us.  The truth is life is 50/50 here and it will be 50/50 there. It's always 50% positive and 50% negative.

Now, I know you don’t believe me.  I know you think it will be easier to love your life when things change.  I know you think it will be easer to love the people when they change or yourself when you change. 

But this is never the case.

There is always opposition.  That is the nature of the earth life experience.  It’s always 50/50.  Your brain will always find the problem.  No matter how good life gets.  It can find problems on vacation.  It can find problems married.  It can find problems single.  It can find problems when you are doing all the things you want to do.  It still finds the faults. 

We kind of have this idea that there is an arrival point where life gets good and you can relax and be happy.  It’s always at some distant place.  It’s never here.

When you find yourself projecting your happiness or your security or your joy into the future—to some future version of you or your life—you need to remember that whatever you will think then you can think now.

Exercise 1:  I want you to think about what needs to be different in order for you to love your life?  What’s the list in your head?  What are the circumstances outside of you that you think will allow you to think different thoughts and love your life?

• Now ask yourself, "What if none of those things had to change?"

Exercise 2: Think about your current life and notice how thinking about it like the weather can shift things for you.  

• Look at the list from exercise 1, and ask yourself "What if none of it is bad?" in the same way rain isn't inherently bad.  What would I think if none of this is bad?

Exercise 3: Ask yourself the following questions:

• What do I think I will feel when I arrive? 
• When the different version of my life or the different version of me shows up—what do I think I will feel?
• What is the emotion that I think I can’t have now?
• What is the emotion I am waiting to feel?
• How do I think I will feel when this problem is solved? 
• How do I think I will feel when I’m different or he or she is different or my life is different?

When you can identify this feeling, remind yourself that every emotion is created by a thought.  You are one thought away from what ever you want to feel.  

• Ask yourself, "What do I need to think to feel that way?"

Exercise 4: Think about what you think you deserve.  How are you preventing yourself from loving what is by believing that you "deserve" something else.  

The "woulda, coulda, shoulda" mindset keeps us stuck and unable to love our life.  Ask yourself:

• What if I didn't believe it "woulda, coulda, shoulda" been different?  What would be different if I didn't have that thought at all?
• Think about Byron Katie's question: "Could it be that all along I have lived the life I always should have lived?"  How could believing this allow you to love the life you are living.

Mentioned on the podcast:

• Sign up for a free coaching call

• The Tim Ferris Show Episode #412, Josh Waitzkin on Beginner’s Mind, Self-Actualization, and Advice from Your Future Self 
• Pema Chodron, Welcoming the Unwelcome
• Oprah Winfrey

To read or download a written transcript of the entire episode, simply click the link below.