Episode 133: What’s in the Way of Your Results

Episode Summary

We can’t create amazing results in our lives without companions like fear, discomfort, and self-doubt. There’s no way around it - the two go hand in hand, hence the companionship.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t make room for those result companions on our way to getting more from our lives. Here are 5 things I’ve learned about managing my brain in the presence of these result companions without letting them get completely in the way.

Don’t take the result companion personally. The companion isn’t unique to you. The companion comes with the result.

You don’t have to solve for the result companion to move forward toward the thing you want. In her book Big Magic, author Elizabeth Gilbert talks about going on a road trip with fear. She says to her fear, “You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote.” Stay focused and let fear be present, but don’t let fear drive the car.

Everything will change if you want the companion as much as you want the result. A really easy example is weight loss. No one says, “I want to be hungry and I want to be uncomfortable and I want to have to feel my feelings instead of numbing them with food.” No, we say, “I want to lose weight. I want the result.” I think it can be really powerful to acknowledge that to get that result, we are also going to have to want these other things that right now we tell ourselves we don’t want.

You just have to be willing – even if you can’t want it, you can be willing. To reach our desired results, whatever they may be, we have to be willing to endure and experience the result companions.

You don’t have to face result companions alone. This is why I have a coach and why I think you should have a coach. Because there are things you need to do to get the results you want in your life… but your brain gives you thoughts that are going to create a lot of uncomfortable, uninvited result companions and the best strategy I know of is someone who can help you question those thoughts and think differently.

Episode Transcript

Welcome to the 100% Awesome Podcast with April Price. You might not know it, but every result in your life is 100% because of the thought you think. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome.

Hello, podcast universe! Welcome to episode 133 of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I'm April Price and I am so happy to have you out there listening. I have been thinking about you. I just got off the phone, I was talking to my sister-in-law and she was telling me about my niece, who is serving a mission like my daughter, and struggling with many of the thoughts that that that we all struggle with, right? Like our own inadequacy and our thought like, we can't do it as well as we want to do it. And like, you know, that's what it what it means to be human. We have these brains and they're just constantly like nagging us about how we're not enough. And I was just like talking to my sister-in-law and saying, like, Oh my gosh, I would love to have a half hour with her daughter, just coach her for a half hour, just like, help her question the thoughts that her brain is giving her, and give her some new things to think about.

And I feel the same way about you, I would love to be able to just like, get a hold of you have you in front of me for a half-an-hour so that they could help you think about yourself or the thing that is causing pain in your life right now differently? And I know that it would make such a difference for you. And so, I'm just saying just putting that out there that you should sign up to get on a free call with me, I would love to like, share a half hour with you. That will be life changing for you and help you see yourself in your life. And and yeah, like I said, all the things that you're struggling with differently. So anyway, just putting that out there, but also if it feels a little scary and vulnerable to get on a call, one-on-one with me, I have another option, okay?

In two weeks in December 1st, 2nd and 3rd, I am doing a free three day training. I think it's going to be really good and so helpful. To those of you who who have been listening to me for a while and you know that it's possible to get more and and like, you know that you are entitled to get more from your Earth life experience, you want to get more, but you just find yourself not, right? You find yourself not getting more, not making the progress you want, not as happy as you want. Not showing up, and loving the way that you want to. Not accomplishing the things you want, or following through on the things you want to do in your life. So, if that is you in any way, this training is for you. It is totally free. You can go to my website to register at aprilpricecoaching.com/getmore. That's just one word forward slash. Getmore and you can get registered for that training. You can also text me you can just pull out your phone and text 66866. And if you text the word, getmore, again, just one word, getmore, you can get registered for that training. And even if you can't attend all three days, everybody that is registered will get the replay every day, and so you can go back and listen to it like you can use it as a as a reference. You can go back in access and remember the ideas that we talked about, okay? So sign up for that.

I have been working on it for over a month and it's going to be really good. My objective is that you will leave that training totally empowered with real tools that you can use to get more from your life right now. I really hope you'll be there. I just remember the first class that I went to with my coach. I remember going to that class being nervous about it, right? But I left, there was so many light bulb moments, right? Like in so many ways, it was like being born again or like just being born into the world again, where I could see things differently. I like saw my life in a completely different way, and so I really want to create that experience for you. I want your life to be different afterwards and so that you can get all the things you want, okay? So, go ahead, sign up for that, okay?

So, I am so excited about this podcast episode today. It's one of those that I know that I am going to go back and listen to, okay is that weird? Like, maybe that's weird to say, but sometimes like, literally like, I go back and read, listen to my podcast and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I need to write this down. Like, I need to take notes on this, I need to remember this. Like, I sometimes need to read, listen to my own words, right? Like, I know the things, but you know, in regular life, and your brain takes over, you forget. So anyway, I hope this will be good for all of us. And this today, what I want to talk about is something that I think we all need to hear and be reminded of again and again.

Okay, so I want to talk about for lack of a better term, like I just made this up, right? But I didn't know how to say it, but I'm calling it "result companions." And that's the term I'm using to kind of describe the sort of uninvited, undesirable, negative emotions that come with creating results in our lives. Like we all want to create amazing results in our lives, but every one of them come with like these companion negative emotions. Like, there's things that come along with the growing, and the stretching, and the creating, right? We talk about wanting to be successful, and wanting to grow, and wanting to stretch and do all these amazing things in our life. But for every amazing thing, there is a companion to that that makes doing this amazing thing really hard, and really uncomfortable. And it's actually that accompanying companion, that negative emotion that accompanies the result we want being able to manage that is what is required in order to create results in our lives.

6:33
We all want results in our life, but none of us and really here that none of us wants the negative emotion that accompanies creating that result. But here's the thing, success has companions, right? Results have companions. Results have these friends that come with it that accompany their creation. You cannot get one without the other. They go together, right? And these companions, the things that accompany our results are things like dread, and inadequacy, and anxiety, and insecurity,, sometimes terror, sometimes shame, and almost all the fear. Like these companions go hand in hand with whatever it is you want to create in your life.

Now we all secretly think that this isn't true for the really successful people that somehow they have hacked the system, and they have figured out a way to avoid these result companions. We sort of think that they must not have the same accompanying negative emotions that we do. We think that like we must have flaws that like cause us to experience many more negative emotions, right? Or maybe we just have lower pain tolerances, or more fear than other people. But I think the truth is that successful people have just made peace with the result companions, and they don't expect those not to show up, and not to be a part of the process because really, that's the problem. The result companions themselves, the fact that they're there is not actually the problem. The problem is we think they shouldn't be. We think we have to make them go away before we can go and do amazing things. We think they have to leave, right? That the fear, and the terror, and the anxiety, and insecurity, all that has to be solved and and removed before we can create what we want. When really they are just part of the process.

So, this morning I was at the gym and I had this quote pop up on my training app and it was a quote by Muhammad Ali and it said I hated every minute of training. But I said, don't quit, suffer now, and live the rest of your life as a champion. Did you hear that? He said, I hated every minute of training. Like, he didn't have a special gene that made training easy. He didn't have a special gene that made him love it, and that you are just somehow missing that gene like you don't have that part, right? He hated it, and it didn't matter, he did it anyway. I remember at the Olympics just this last year the the woman who won the Gold Medal in wrestling, she said, like I remember her saying, like, I hate my trainer. Like every day I hate like what he asked me to do, and yet I go, do it, and that's what creates amazing things in my life. So, today I want to give you some thoughts to help you manage your brain around these result companions, right? So, that you can get more of the things you want.

And so today, I want to give you some thoughts to help you manage your brain around these result companions a different way to think about them so that you can get more of the things you want, and stop letting these result companions. These negative emotions that accompany the results you want keep you from getting the things you want, okay? So, the first thing that I want to offer you is to not take the result companion personally. And I kind of just mentioned this, but whatever negative emotion you are experiencing, that is not because there's a problem with you, right? Like result companions are not unique to you, alright? Result companions come with results, period. And thinking that you are the only one that this is a problem for makes you feel like, well, maybe I'm not qualified, maybe I can't have this thing, maybe it's different for me and all of that is keeping you from just persisting in the face of the result campaign is that every single person faces.

10:48
I was talking to a client the other day and she was just like in tears about like how scared she was, you know? She was working on her business, and how scared she is to mark herself and tell people that she's a coach, and offer her services. She's like, so scared that she's going to look stupid. And I'm like, yeah, every time I turn on that mic I'm afraid of that, right? But like, I just have to move forward anyway. And what I explain to her is like, this is true for every single person. It's not that there's something wrong with you, there's not something that, like your brain is doing it differently than all the other brains. Like this is just part of it, okay? So, I really want you to think about whatever negative emotion you're experiencing as you work towards the results in your life, it is not about you, right? That negative emotion is the price that anyone who wants that thing has to pay.

I told you I was talking to my sister-in-law today about her daughter's anxiety. And I was just saying, yeah, right? When we have the thought, I can't do this, it creates a lot of anxiety for us and I said she is not alone in that thought. When I explain, like my daughter right now, she's in like month 15 of her mission, and she still has the thought, I can't do this, right? She's trying to, like, teach the gospel in French, and she's like coming up against her own insecurity and her brain is always telling her that she's not qualified, that she's not enough, that she can't do this. And what I told Savannah is that like, what if that is just the companion is going to go with you through the rest of this mission, right? Like what if that is just part of being a missionary, right? Like when we think about the results in our lives, we usually only think of the positive.

When we think about being a missionary, we think about like the joy of that, and and the love and the spirit, and we just think of, like all the good stuff. But like, what if anxiety is just one other companion with that? Like, yes, there's joy, and there's also anxiety like we never argue with. The joy is what I'm offering, and if we could see the the kind of like result companions as just part and parcel of the journey and not take it personally, not make it mean that we actually are inferior, like we actually are doing this wrong, but we just understand that this is part of the process. It can be so different, right? It really isn't about you. It's about the result every result in your life has a price and that negative emotion that you're experiencing is the price. OK, so number two? I also want to offer you that you don't have to solve for that you don't have to solve for the result companion in order to move forward to get the things you want, okay?

Like, you can just continue to be a missionary with anxiety and you don't have to make it go away. You can build your coaching practice with fear, and you don't have to make that go away. So, not only is that negative emotion not personal to you, you also don't have to solve for it before you create results in your life. So, the the person that I think describes this so well is Elizabeth Gilbert, and she wrote a book called Big Magic, and in that she talked about how she's always scared when she goes to write, and she's a very accomplished author. Every time she goes to write, she has fear, right? And she talks about how she just imagines that fear is always going on the journey with her, and she imagines herself like in a car she's driving. She's like deciding where they're going to go. She's, you know, controlling the radio and the direction and the speed and all of that. But fear is always in the backseat, and she just knows, like whatever writing journey she's going to go on. That fear is going with her. And in so many ways, I think it can be the same way with the result companions in our life, right? Like, I can still get places, I can still go towards my results and whatever negative emotion I'm feeling can just ride in the back like it can just go with me like Elizabeth Gilbert talked about.

15:12
Like, if like, I really want you to imagine that car, right? And in in the backseat of the car is fear. And if she has to stop and get fear out of the car before she can drive like she's going to spend all day in the driveway trying to coax fear out of the backseat. And it just takes up so much time and energy, and in so many ways, you can just be like, just accept, like, yeah, I have a companion on this journey and it is going with me, okay? I can't remember where I heard this, but I heard it recently a story about Maya Angelou and she was talking about when she was getting her 11th book published. She was just terrified, right? And she was feeling so much imposter syndrome, she just felt like a fraud. And she said, I just kept thinking like, now everybody's finally going to know, right? Like, it's going to be a parent. Finally, like, everybody's going to finally figure out that I don't know how to do this right?

And so, like that happens to every single one of us. I want you to see that like, if you want to create in your like you see other people doing, it's not that they don't have the negative emotion, it's just that like they don't think that they have to like, get rid of that before they can create the results.

So, when I was building my coaching practice, like I just finally figured out like, I'm never going to feel totally comfortable doing this. My brain is always going to offer me this negative emotion to, like, prevent me from doing this right. Like, my brain thinks this is very dangerous. This is very scary. That's a really good way to get rejected or fail. And so, it's going to keep offering me that negative emotion, and so I just put a little sticky on my computer and it says this is the part where we are brave. And I just like when fear comes up for me, when insecurity comes up for me, when doubt comes up for me, like it's not a problem, I just know that this is the part where. I am brave. This is the part where I need to be brave and move forward, even though there's fear in the back seat, right? So, you can use that little thought if that's helpful for you, like I don't have to solve for this. This is just the part where I have to be brave.

This third idea is a little bit like radical. You might think it's kind of crazy, but I want to offer it to you because I think it can be really powerful, okay? The idea is that everything will change if you want the result companion as much as you want the result, okay? Let me say that again, like notice what would be different if you wanted the negative emotion like that result companion as much as you wanted the actual result? And when you think about that, it's really interesting to notice.

18:13
Well, what would that look like? Like exactly? What would I have to want? So, I'm going to give you a really easy example. Like if we were trying to lose weight, no one ever like everybody just says I want to lose weight, I want that result. But no one ever says I want to be hungry, I want to be uncomfortable, I want to have to feel my feelings instead of numbing them with food. Like we never want the result companions, we just want the the result itself, right? But I think it's really powerful to think about what am I going to have to want if I want this result? Like, what are the result companions that are going to come with this? What what else do I need to want if I want this thing right? I think it's really powerful to acknowledge like to get that result. I am also going to have to want these other things right alongside it and stop telling myself, I don't want it.

So, I was talking to a client this morning, and she was talking about like, I really want to exercise, I want to get in shape, I want to be healthy. I want to be able to do these certain things in my life, but I don't want to get sweaty, right? This is how our brain operates, it's like, Well, yeah, I want that result, but I don't want to feel the feelings that I'm going to need to get that result. And what I kind of challenged her, I was just like, what if you liked getting sweaty? Like, if you want the result companion, the sweating is just as much as you want the result. You know, so much less resistance to doing the thing, right?

So, this is just how our brain operates, right? Like, we have all these sort of like fantasies of the result and how it's going to feel when we get that result and our brain just sort of like ignores all the necessary accompanying negative emotion that is going to go with that. And I think it's just really good at the beginning when you decide you want that result to really understand what else is going to be required. What's the other side of that coin? What are the result companions that come with this result and sign up for all of it, right? Like not just say I want this result, but to say yes and I want to be sweaty and I want to be tired and I want to be hungry or whatever all the things are that accompany that goal.

So, it looks like, let's say, for example, that you want to build your coaching practice what that looks like is not just wanting the the practice, not just wanting to coach, but it's wanting to be scared as well, wanting to feel inadequate, wanting to feel confused about how to market and how to like, offer your your your coaching practice, like when you think about what you want. Think about both sides of that and like, really like turn it around in your mind about what would it be like if I wanted the result companion as much as I wanted the result, okay?

And then number four, like, if it's not too hard to get to wanting that negative emotion and really wanting to be scared and wanting to be hungry. Like, I know that's a stretch, but it's kind of fun to play with, right? If wanting it is too much, I want to offer you that you just have to be willing, right? We just have to be willing to feel the negative emotion we just might be willing to experience the result companions and we willing to experience them long enough to create the results in our life. I was listening to an old speech today, and the woman asked the question, she said, Are you willing to be inconvenienced? Like, are you willing to feel bad to get this thing that you want in your life, right?

22:00
And of course, I think the really like most amazing example of this is Jesus Christ. And one of my favorite lines in the New Testament is when it's recorded in both Matthew and Mark, where it says that Christ began to be very heavy, right? Like his brain was like creating a lot of negative emotion as he went to perform, the atonement performed the sacrifice and to die for us. And it says like he began to be very heavy, like here was this accompanying like result companion. This this negative emotion that was going to have to be like required. You're not going to be able to just like dance into the garden of Ghasemi and like, dance your way up to the cross. Like, there's going to be some negative emotion, a lot of negative emotion that goes with that. And I don't mean to make light of that in any way. What I'm offering you is that in order to like, really create the things that you came to Earth to create have to be willing to be heavy, sometimes you have to be willing to to experience the accompanying like negative emotion that goes with it. And really and truly, what I believe is that every time we manage our brain to create results in our life and we overcome that negative emotion or we endure it, we we sit with it, we allow it to be with us like we are practicing holding. And not shrinking from that negative emotion and in the smallest of ways, we are emulating him and becoming more like him and like practicing the skill of being able to do that on this infinite level that he did for humanity.

Okay, so I know that you have heard me talk about the idea of Titkun Olam like 100 million times, right? And you're like, please get a new idea, but I love it so much. And again, it's just the idea that the world is broken, and that each one of us has gifts and abilities and like, a calling and a way to heal the world. And I really think to be able to do that, to be able to contribute our peace in the healing of the world. We have to be willing to endure the result companions that come with that right? Like, you cannot I don't believe you can really help in the world without experiencing the negative emotion that goes with it, like it does require sacrifice, right? That's why I ask that question Are you willing to be inconvenienced in the way that you came to bless the world? Are you willing to feel the negative campaigning, you know, result companions that come with that? And this is not easy, which is what gives me so much like admiration for those who like have done it before me, have made my life better because they were willing to be brave because they were willing to endure these result companions and create something in the world that would bless my life.

That brings us to the last thing I want to talk about as you go to create these results in your life and you encounter these result companions. I want you to know that you don't have to do this alone. This is exactly why I have a coach and why I think you should have a coach because your brain is going to give you thoughts as you go to create amazing things in your life. Your brain is going to give you thoughts that are going to create a lot of uncomfortable, uninvited result companions right along with it. And the best strategy I know to deal with that is to have someone on your team, someone on your side who can help you question those thoughts and think about them differently. They feel so real and like so painful and so scary inside of us, and a coach offers you an outside perspective that is so valuable, right? Because there's the things that you need to do in order to get the results you want in your life. And then there's the reason that you're not doing them right.

Like, you know what to do, but you aren't doing them because of how painful these result companions feel, how scary they feel like we aren't doing the things we know to do because of these result companions that come along with creating any result in our life, they are creating enough discomfort that they are keeping you from doing what you know to do. And I think for a long time, we make that mean something bad about us, right? That like we're just weak or undisciplined or something. But again, it doesn't mean anything bad about you. Like I said, it just means you're human. And these result companions are the hardest part about creating the life you want as a human. It isn't easy what you are asking your brain to do. You're asking yourself to overcome every instinct your brain has for survival, right? Like, no wonder it's hard. It's not natural. Your biology says, seek pleasure, avoid pain, save energy and to create any result you want.

27:17
You have to go up against that biology like you are up against powerful survival forces. And that's why a coach is so valuable and a coach can help you. When I first started my coaching business, like I knew what I was up against, I knew that my brain was going to produce a lot of result companions, and that was going to accompany the process of building this business. And I knew that those resort companions were going to be fierce, right? They were going to terrorize me in many ways, and I did not want to do that alone. And choosing to have a coach help me has made all the difference. And it was the same when I wanted to lose weight, when I wanted to change my finances, when I wanted to like, improve the relationships in the way I loved the people in my life, right? My coach helped me overcome all those fears and human instincts, all the doubt and excuses and shame, like all those result companions that were going to come along with the results I wanted.

And so I have a coach to help me get what I want, and I don't see that as a problem, right? Like needing help. I don't see that as a problem. I see it as resourceful. I see it as like powerfully choosing right. I am choosing to overcome my brain so that I can get a life. I want to live so that I can create results that I want to create while I'm here on this earth. And I see having a coach choosing to have a coach as a powerful part of like my choice to create those things right? So, you are not alone in having a coach is just, I think, the most effective way to handle and manage and even alter the result companions that come along with creating results in your life.

Like, you do not get to create results without result companions like they are part of it. They are the price, but you do get to decide how you're going to handle that. How are you going to deal with them? You get to decide how you are going to pay that price and having a coach for me is the most powerful, most enjoyable and also most efficient way to do it right. Like it helps me to stop stalling and instead to face and challenge and overcome all the result companions that that I'm experiencing head on, right? And you can make that same choice for you.

29:57
Okay, so that is what I have for you. Remember that result companions come part and parcel with creating any result in your life? Don't take it personally. You aren't doing it wrong, and you don't have to solve for those result companions before you can start creating results and they can just come along with you for the ride. So much will change for you when you understand that the result companions are part of the deal and you also decide to want them as much as the result itself and be willing to have them be a part of it. And finally, just remember that you are not alone. Creating the result is hard. I get it, right? But coach can make it easier in so many ways, and I would love to be your coach and help you not let the result companions in your life stop you from getting all the things you want to get while you're here on Earth, because it is your divine inheritance to be a creator. And I don't think you should let your human brain get in the way of that divine heritage. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome. I love you for listening, and I'll see you next week.

Your precious Earth life experience is finite. Each of us only has so much time to spend here, and so while you're here, I think you should get more of what you want. You get more love, more happiness and more accomplishment. And I love to show you the one thing you need to change in order to do that. On December 1st, 2nd and 3rd, I am offering a three day training how to get more from your light to teach you exactly how to do that. Go to aprilpricecoaching.com/Getmore to register.