Episode 149: Why We Stay the Same

Episode Summary 

I want to talk to you about why we stay the same. Each one of us has nudges and urges to grow and change and develop our capacity, do things with our lives, and more often than not we find ourselves not doing it.

If this sounds familiar, I want you to know there are a lot of good reasons for this. You’re not broken or damaged or unfit as a human…and when you know the reasons, when you’re aware of why you stay the same, you are much better equipped to change that pattern and stop staying the same.

Here are the main reasons why we end up staying the same when we want things to be different:

• Resistance is constant, and motivation isn’t. 
• We don’t like it to hurt, and hurt is a requirement of growth.
• Your brain has established your identity around the things you’ve done up to this point.
• We’re waiting on something outside of us – or maybe inside of us – but not seeing that we are making a CHOICE and something isn’t just HAPPENING to us.
• Along with that… we think it's all about the A line, and it never is. It's our thoughts…and particularly managing our negative thoughts that want us to stop.

• We don’t know the real enemy.
• Our perception of progress keeps us from progressing.

Episode Transcript

Welcome to the 100% Awesome Podcast with April Price. You might not know it, but every result in your life is 100% because of the thought you think. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome!

Hello, podcast universe. Welcome to episode 149 of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I'm April Price and first things first, I want you to know that doors are open right now for my next coaching group that starts the first week in April. So awesome! My program only happens once a quarter, I will not have another group opening until July. So, I know that many of you have things that you want to create in your life before July. I know that there is more happiness, and joy, and love, and things that you want to accomplish in your life right now. And coaching is just the best, most effective, life changing, and long lasting, but actually like lasting way to do it. Like the skills you create in coaching, you get to use those for the rest of your life, and you don't need to wait any longer to start to create that in your life.

So, I just want you to know that doors are open. The group is small on purpose, and I limit the amount of people that can be in it so that you get lots of personalized attention, and coaching with all the benefits of being able to be coached with other people so that you can see your own brain through other people's experiences, thoughts through their brains, right? And without triggering your brain's need to be right. Actually group coaching is how I got every single transformation in my own life. I know that it is so powerful, but I know also how valuable it can be to be able to talk through your own thoughts and your own brain. And so this, I feel like, is the perfect container for that. So, I just want you to know that spots are limited and they will fill up if you want. When you get to have one like you do not have to disqualify yourself from it, no matter what your brain says. And I know that many of you want it, you are done waiting. You are sick and tired of being sick and tired about your own brain and its excuses and its lies. And you are ready even if your brain isn't right, even if your brain is protesting to get what you want to create the life that you want.

And I really want you to check in with that part of you. The real you, the eternal you, that part of you wants, and not just what the fearful, insecure parts of your brain want because they are not the same things, I promise you that. So, you can go to my website. Aprilpricecoaching.com to get signed up.

I was talking to a client this week and she was saying like, she's like, I had so many fears about this when I signed up. She's like, but I just like, plug my nose and jumped in, and I just want you to know that your brain is going to try to talk you out of this. Your brain is going to tell you all the reasons that you shouldn't be in coaching, but 100%, if you are ready to think about yourself, and your life differently, you want to create different results. There is no better place to be. And I think you should jump in there. It is time to be in that group. It's going to be amazing.

3:43
Okay, today I want to talk to you about why we stay the same. So, each one of us as spiritual beings here having a physical experience we have nudges and urges to grow and develop, to change, to increase our capacity, to do things with our time here on Earth. And more often than not, we often find ourselves not doing those things, right? We make plans, we make declarations, right? And we tell ourselves we're done just going through the motions. We're going to create what we want. And yet we find ourselves over, and over again staying the same, and we think that's because there's something wrong with us. But I want you to know that that is not true. I want you to know that there are actually a lot of good reasons for this. There are a lot of reasons why we stay the same and you are not broken or damaged or unfit as a human. That is not why, okay?

And so, when you know the reasons, the reasons that we have this tendency to stay the same, when you're aware of why we stay the same, then you are so much better equipped to change that pattern, and to stop saying the same to create different things in your life. So, today I just want to talk to you about what I see as the main reasons that we end up staying the same when we want things to be different. And so, here they are, in no particular order.

The first one is that resistance is constant, and motivation isn't okay. So, this is the way it works on the planet. This is the way it works as a human on the Earth. So, there is gravity on this Earth from the Earth's magnetic core, right? And there is resistance, that is created from your brain. And these are constants in our world, they are built in, right? Gravity is not a symptom that something's gone wrong, it's just like the way this world works. And it's the same with resistance. When your brain offers you resistance to the things you want to do. That is not a symptom that something has gone wrong, that there's something wrong with you any more than throwing a ball in the air and finding that it comes back to the Earth is a problem. It is not a problem, right?

The way our brains are biologically designed to keep us alive by conserving our energy, and avoiding discomfort, and seeking pleasure, that biologic design creates resistance to the things that we want to change. Most of us think that motivation should be constant rain that that something's gone wrong. But motivation isn't ever constant. Motivation comes and goes. Motivation is just a flash, right? But resistance is the constant. And if you follow any kind of like endurance athletes or people that have done really difficult things, they talk about this how the resistance is real. I remember hearing both Colin O'Grady and Jason Caldwell talk about how glory will get you to the start line, right? That gets you to day one and then is like the oh crap moment, right? Where all of a sudden, like all that's left is the resistance.

And so, when we think that resistance shouldn't be there and that motivation should be, we stay the same when we start to encounter the resistance, and our motivation flees. And when we don't really understand that resistance is part of the equation, when it shows up, we think, okay, I guess it's time to stop and that's why we end up staying the same.

Number two, we don't like it to hurt. As humans, we don't like it. To hurt and hurt is a requirement for growth. It is a requirement for change for not staying the same. I was watching the documentary about the Iron Cowboy, who did like 101 triathlons every day for 101 days right? And his wife on that said human beings believe if things are hard, they are wrong. And this speaks to the resistance that I just talked about. But you just have to know that you have a built in biological instinct to avoid hurt, to avoid pain, to avoid discomfort. And staying the same is the way to avoid discomfort. When we talk about change, we talk about creating something different for life. We just talk about how amazing it's going to be, how amazing it's going to be at the end, right? Now it is going to feel so good and it's going to feel so empowering, but it doesn't, right? Growth actually hurts. And instead of not liking the hurt, and trying to change without it, we instead have to turn towards it.

8:50
You got to love the hurt. You got to enjoy it. You got to understand that it's part of the process as I've been training for the event that I'm going to do later this year, like some times, my muscles are really, really hurting and as my body sends that signal to my brain, my brain interprets that pain as wrong, just like Sonny Lawrence said, right? Like, my brain is like, Oh no, we're in pain. This is wrong. We should stop. But the other day I was on the treadmill, I had this moment where I realized, like, if my muscles don't hurt, they will stay the same, and I need them to be different to be successful at this event, right? If if they don't hurt, they're going to stay exactly the same. My body is not going to build one more muscle fiber. My body is not going to develop any more aerobic capacity if it doesn't hurt. It's got to hurt so that it signals like that, it's time for growth here. And so, if I'm constantly not wanting to hurt, of course, it's going to stay the same if I want my muscles to be different, if I want to be different, if I want to have a different experience, hurt, and pain, and discomfort is how that change occurs.

Okay number three. Well, another reason that we stay the same is because we start to develop an identity around our choices. So, as we live our lives, as much as we don't necessarily approve of all the choices we are making, we inadvertently use them to tell the story of us, to describe ourselves, to tell us what kind of people we are, right? We look at our lives, what we've chosen, what we've accomplished, what we've done, and then we tell the story of who we are. In terms of that, we tell the story of what we're capable of based on what we have done and when we like, try to, like, break that identity and do something new, and think different thoughts about ourselves like our brain just scoffs. And it kind of laughs at us. And it kind of says, like, well, that's not who you are. Like, what do you think you're doing? Like, you have no business like doing these new things changing and being different, right? Because it has your brain has established your identity around the things you've done.

And I've recently heard this story about Eli Manning, who was an NFL quarterback for the Giants. And one year he had like the NFL record for the amount of interceptions, which is not a good thing. Like, that's a record you don't want to say it, he had the most interceptions in the league. And so, he reached out to this guy named Dr. Nate Zinser. And to help him with his mindset, and to help him like change the way he thought about himself so that he could change his game and his results, right? And so, he worked with this guy over the offseason, and he was being interviewed before the next season started and someone one of the reporters asked him like, do you feel like you are an elite NFL quarterback? And Eli kind of paused, and he said, Yes, I completely do. I think I am in the same camp of quarterbacks as Tom Brady. I'm an elite quarterback.

And like this set off this huge media storm of people like talking about these comments and kind of laughing at him and making fun of him and just thinking like, it's so ridiculous that he has identified himself as an elite quarterback, right? And made this his identity. And even fans made so much fun of him for this thought. And at the end of the year of that year, he had led the Giants to a Super Bowl, and he had beat Tom Brady in that Super Bowl, and he won the MVP of the Super Bowl, right? And like changed his identity and what? I just bring that up because I think so many times we want to believe something else about ourselves, but we stay the same because our brain is laughing at us. Our brain is saying, that's not who you are. I've been with you for 40 years. Forty-eight years, and I know that's not you, right?

But listen, you do not have to listen to your brain. You do not have to stay the same. Your brain has a story about your identity, and that story keeps you the same, but it doesn't have to. And I particularly want you to know that the story about who we aren't, what we are not is sometimes the loudest story of all, right? Like there's one thing to think about, like your brain is defined like who you are. But it also tells a story about who you are not. It takes all the information it says, therefore, you are not a person who can have this, or who can do this, or who is capable of this thing. And I want you to be really aware of the story that your brain is telling of who you are not. And like, if you want to be different, if you want not to stay the same, you have to change that story. You have to think something different.

13:58
Number four, most of the time we stay the same because we are waiting on something outside of us to change first. So hey, I I did a little bonus podcast. Hopefully most of you caught it, but you know, I talked about my husband, he's like working on some new fitness goals of his own. And I talked about how he like, had this experience that like when I'm done being a bishop, then I'm going to be able to be different, right? And just how our brain tells us, like things in our life have to be different. First, like, this person needs to change and then, I can have a loving relationship. I need to have more time in my life, and then I can focus on these goals. The market needs to be different before I can achieve what I want it to be like. We're always like waiting on things, and sometimes we're even waiting on us like, well, I got to get my crap together before I can change these things, I got to get more organized. I have to be more positive person. I have to be, you know, less critical of people before I can really like have the relationships I want.

And we're just like always waiting for something else to change without recognizing that in every moment we are making a choice. And if something isn't happening, it's not just happening to us, it's happening because we are making a choice. We are saying, I can't have that thing because something else, it isn't in place, it is a thought there. This thought that I can't create this result in my life, and like, we stay the same because we think it's not in our control. We think it's like not a choice, but like something has to happen and then we can have something different our lives, then we can be different.

And then right along with that number five, we stay the same because as we go to make changes, all we are thinking about is our action line. What are the things I need to do? What are the things that I need to do differently instead of what are the things I need to think differently? All change is going to come from your thoughts, and particularly if we want to not stay the same, we have to manage our negative thoughts around our changes. Change takes so much energy, and effort, and like intention. Their brain is like, can I constantly try to talk you out of that? And you have to manage that brain. You have to manage the thoughts that it's constantly giving you to stop.

So again, like I am learning so much as I do this endurance work to prepare for this event at the end of the year and like the other day, I just realized that every time I get on the treadmill and today I say, okay I'm going 40 minutes at 24%, and I'm going 60 minutes to 24% today, I'm going 90 minutes at 24% like whatever I set, like, I always arrive there. The arrival is inevitable if I never stop. So, sometimes my brain is like, we're never going to make it, but the truth is, if I keep taking one step after another and I don't stop, I will inevitably get there. And this is true for any change you're trying to make in your life. So, mostly what you're trying to manage is your brain's thoughts like temptations, excuses, cajoling, like protest, like whatever it's saying to you that is asking you to stop. As you could make these changes, your brain is like, let's stop, let's stop, let's stop. And if you don't, you will not stay the same, if you don't stop, you will not stay the same. We are just giving in to the thoughts and the sentences that our brain is giving us, and we're stopping, and that is what makes us stay the same.

We stop when our brain says stop, and that's why we really have to manage those thoughts. The other day, when I was working on this, I had this thought, you know, I've set up this whole training plan about like when I'm going to increase inclines, like how long I'm supposed to go. Like what you know, nutrition plans like, I've just I've made a huge like list of things that I need to do. And the other day, I was on the treadmill and I was realizing like, what if it's not the steps here? What if it's not like the actual work I'm doing on the treadmill that is going to allow me to finish this event? What if it's just practicing, not stopping? What if the actual work is practicing, not giving in when my brain says stop? Like, what if that's the only training I'm really doing like kind of blows your mind, right? Like, yes, I have to change physically, but what if, like practicing not stopping is actually the only thing I need to do to finish this endurance event.

And I just want to offer you that if you want things not to be the same, you have to not stop when your brain says, that's enough, we can't do anymore.

Okay number six, another big reason why we stay the same is we don't understand truly what we're up against. We don't know the real enemy, right? We are vastly, vastly underestimating our brains ability to fight for our survival like it is so like persistent, and dedicated, and like invested in your survival. And most of the time, we underestimate that when we set our goals. We're just doing it from like that flash of excitement and not really understanding like the true enemy. Not that your brain is your enemy, but like, you know, it just reminds me of that old quote like by Senzu about like knowing your enemy and knowing yourself, and then you can never be defeated. This is what I feel like, like if you really know your brain and what your brain wants and what motivates your brain, and you really know you and what you want, what your spirit wants. If you really know those things, then you can never be defeated. You will never stop. You can change anything, right? You will never stay the same when you truly know that.

20:45
And so I just think it's so important to recognize how deeply invested your brain is in your survival and how it truly, truly believes that seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and saving energy conserving energy is the way to keep you alive. And anything outside of those three things it's going to protest about. It's going to say, no, no, no, this is very bad, let's stop. It's going to offer you thoughts to stop like it thinks that truly is in your best interest and that's what you're up against. And it is deeply, biologically wired in there, and you can't underestimate that. And this is really one of the reasons that I am so committed to having a coach in my life because I understand what I'm up against. I understand that my brain never stops and will never stop that it its objectives are not mine. And if I want to wring everything that I came to get out of this life, I'm going to need to manage that. I'm going to want help in managing that. I'm going to want to be able to see the difference between the lies and the excuses that is just my brain and the parts that are me, the real me, what I really want.

The last one that I think is really important to think about why we stay the same is because our brains perception of progress is often the very thing keeping us from progressing. I think it is the thing keeping us the same is the thing keeping us at status quo. And so, I think it's really important to understand how your brain views your progress. First of all, it sees daily small progress as imperceptible, and unimportant. Totally inconsequential. It can only see things in like very long term like segments, it cannot see things on a day to day, even sometimes week to week or month to month basis, okay? It just can't measure that very well at all.

The next thing you need to know about your brain is that it it notices where you aren't so much easier than where you are. Notice the gap more than the gain, right? As Benjamin Hardy points out in his book, like where we are not, where we lack, what's wrong, what we haven't done yet, how far we have to go, is much more important to our brain. What we have done is irrelevant because it's not a threat to our survival, but what we haven't done, that's what your brain is going to notice, that's where it puts all its attention. And so, all we ever really like get alerts about is how we are so far from where we want to be.

Okay, the last thing that I want you to know about the way that your brain measures progress is it always uses your progress measurements against you to fulfill its objectives. Okay, so what do I mean by that? It's like, remember what your brain wants, it wants pleasure, it wants to avoid discomfort, it wants to save energy. And so, it's just reporting to you about your progress in a way to get you to stop, and save your energy, and avoid discomfort. So, just like it's looking at your progress, like it doesn't matter, you should just quit. You're never going to make it. You're so far from the end. Like, none of what you're doing is even making a difference. It's giving you all those reports as if they're facts, because they serve its objectives, not yours. It's like your brain is skewing the statistics of your progress so that it will read the way it wants so that it will get its results done. So, it will get you to stop and meet its objectives.

And it's so important that you understand the truth about progress that it's always happening, even if your brain is not like noticing it, or recording it, or acknowledging it. The example I love is the one that James Clear gives, and he talks about thinking about melting an ice cube, and like the ice cube, is sitting on a table in a room, right? And the room, he says, like, pretend the room is at 25 degrees and you do all this work and you raise the temperature of the room to 26 degrees, and you look at the ice cube, you're looking for progress, and the ice cube is still frozen, so you do a whole bunch more work. Can you get it up to 27 degrees and the ice cube is still frozen and your brain is like, We're doing all this work and nothing is happening. This isn't working. You do some more and pretty soon the room's up to 28 degrees. Like, there's just so much progress happening that is not measurable in the ice cube, and you have to think about your life the same way. It's so easy to get discouraged and stay the same when you think you're not making progress. So, I just want you to know that you cannot trust your brain's perception of progress. You have to keep going knowing that most of the progress you're making will not be visible right away. You got to get that room up to 33% before you're going to see anything happening, okay?

So, that's a lot, right? There's so many reasons why we stay the same. First of all, resistance is constant. We don't like to hurt as humans. We develop identities about who we are, and who we aren't, and that keeps us the same. We are often waiting on something else to change first before we can be different, before a life can be different, and we don't pay enough attention to the thoughts that we need to have to be different. It's also super easy to underestimate how dedicated your brain is to your survival, and so how like deeply it fights to stay the same and how skewed its reports about our progress are, how unreliable they truly are? Do you see what you're up against?

27:01
Like, like your brain has very good reasons for you to stay the same, and yet we all came to be able to grow and expand and change things in our lives. And this is why there is such a big, huge difference between listening to this podcast and getting coached. There isn't such an important difference between like listening, and getting excited, and getting motivated, filling the spark, and then actually doing the work with the resistance of your brain, right? This is a huge difference between consuming, and then actually doing the work with your brain protesting the whole time. And that is the critical difference between listening here to this podcast, and getting your own thoughts coached. Seeing your own brain in action, seeing your own thoughts in somebody else's head as they're getting coached.

You are going to be up against your brain, and it is relentless. You need the equipment, the tools, the strategies, the awareness. You need a defense and an offense in place to not stay the same. And this is why I love coaching. Every single one of us has everything inside of us to create what we want in our lives and not stay the same and have them be as different as we want them to be. Like God gave each of us the power to choose. And that means that we have inside of us the ability to create something different if we want. And coaching allows me to access my ability to choose what I want over my brain wants better than anything else. It gives me more awareness. It gives more acceptance of myself and my brain, a real understanding of where I am and why. And then, so much power to adjust the thought so that I can get what I want.

Staying the same is the natural default for every one of us, but it is not your only choice. You have everything inside of you to not stay the same if you want to create something different and coaching is the best help you can have as you go to work to do that. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome. I love you for listening, but I hope that you will take it a step further for you and come to coaching. I love you for listening, and I'll see you next week.

The next round of my coaching program Made for More starts the first week in April, and I want you to be a part of it! In coaching I will show you the simple way to change your brain, to create more joy, more love and more accomplishment in your life. Your early life experience is precious and finite, and there is so much more available to every one of us in this life and the next, and I would love to show you how to get it. Go to Aprilpricecoaching.com to sign up.