Goal Revolution

This time of year we hear lots of talk about goals, but I think many of us have goal trauma. We’ve been hurt by goals we’ve set in the past or hurt by our own mistreatment of ourselves as we pursued them.

A lot of us are disillusioned and tired and maybe we’re even a little bit scared to set goals because, instead of helping us, many of our goals have ended up eroding the relationship we have with ourselves.

And today I’m hoping to change that.

Today on the podcast, I’m inviting you to join a “goal revolution” and do your goals this year in a way you’ve never done them before. I’m sharing five revolutionary, radical shifts that you can make in your goal setting that will not only make your goals more achievable but also way more enjoyable as you work towards them.

Transcript

Welcome to the 100% Awesome podcast with April Price. You might not know it, but every result in your life is 100% because of the thoughts you think. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome.

Hello podcast universe. Welcome to episode 244 of the 100% Awesome podcast and Happy New Year. Welcome. Welcome to 2024 I'm April Price. I want to welcome you to the podcast and to the first episode of the year. Wow. It's kind of significant, don't you think? Like we have a blank slate in front of us. I hope that this episode will set the tone for lots of great things to come.

It's kind of cool to stand here at the beginning of the year and think about like what? What are all the episodes going to be about this year? What all the things we're gonna talk about together. What is are you gonna be like? Anyway, I hope that you had a really Happy New Year celebration, and I hope you have a great year. I dare you to have a great year. I think. I think you should. I think you should choose to. And I dare you to have a great year. So last week on the podcast, I really tried to encourage you to let it rip, right? To open up your vision and see what might be possible for you.

If you follow your joy, you follow your desires. And I really want to encourage you again, just to have a brave New Year and to be able to have a life well-lived. So I have so many things that I wanted to talk about today. And they were like all vying for attention. And I reminded myself that there are going to be 51 other episodes this year. Right? And we don't have to do it all today. Right? So we are going to get started, though before I do, I want to let you know that I currently have two open coaching spots, one on one coaching spots that are open right now starting in January.

So, if having a coach and having some help this year is an important part of your plan, your desires of creating that life well-lived, please reach out to me. You can get on my website and schedule a call and we can talk about it there. You can email me at April at April Price coaching.com and I can let you know where my openings are. Again, I work with my clients one on one, so it's just you and I having a discussion and you can set that up to either meet with me every week or we can meet biweekly every other week.

And, you know, as I was thinking back on my year last year and the things that my coach helped me with first, I am so glad that I didn't have to do it alone, like I had so many big challenging things and emotional things, and I'm so grateful that I had her perspective and her help and her questions and her thoughts to help me manage and do all of that. Like, it was such a relief to not be alone in all of that. And the second thing I was thinking about is like, I think the things that I learned last year and the insights that she gave me, like, I think eventually, given enough time, maybe I would have come around to those things.

Maybe I would have figured that out. Right. But I don't think would have happened already. Like, I think I would still be still be floundering and still be figuring it out. And that's what I think is amazing about coaching. It just helps me learn faster. It helps me regroup faster. It helps me change my mind faster. So I'm not just like floundering and suffering for months at a time. And so I love having a coach, and I just want you to know that if you've been thinking about it and the time is right for you, I have a couple of spots open if you would like one. So again, you can get more information about that at my website.

I will put a link in the show notes as well. If you want to get on a call with me and we can talk about it. Okay, so today on the podcast I am hoping to start a gold revolution. So I know this time of year there's a lot of talk about goals, and maybe you're already rolling your eyes and you're like, please, no more. I don't want to hear anymore about goals. I just like, I know I can't take it right. Like and I think a lot of us sort of have like what I call a goal, PTSD, where we're just like, we just cringe when we even hear the word and we're just, like, disillusioned and tired and exhausted.

And maybe we've set lots of goals only to give up and disappoint ourselves. Or maybe we've set a lot of goals and then treat ourselves really, really badly on the way to that goal. Striving to achieve those goals and really, like, eroded the relationship we have with ourselves. Like we're just so resistant, right, to like getting back in that place where we're like working towards a goal and like kind of badgering ourselves towards the goal. And so I'm hoping today to kind of change your mind about goals and create a little revolution about them and invite you to join this revolution and think about your goals in a way that maybe you haven't ever done before.

And so, I have what I think are five revolutionary, radical shifts that you can make in your goal setting that I think will make your goals not only more achievable, but just more enjoyable as you work towards them. You know, last week we talked a lot about joy and making space for joy and that like, what's the point if we're not feeling joy? And so that's really why I want to talk about this today. If you are setting goals to help, you have more joy in that process. Okay. So the first revolutionary radical shift I want to give you is to say yes instead of no.

So obviously, when we are setting goals and deciding to do things differently in our lives, that's of course going to mean that we're going to say no to the way that we've been used to doing it. We're going to do things differently. So, we're going to maybe, for example, we're going to say no to sleeping in or we're going to say no to social media. We're going to say no to our old diet or old habits or old thought patterns, or we're going to say no kind of to ourselves, like the way that we've, you know, treated other people or any number of things. Right. But what I found is that saying no to something takes a lot of willpower.

And we can only say no for so long. Right? We're just kind of like denying ourselves. We're like, no, we can't have that thing. We can't sleep in. We can't eat that thing. We can't look at social media. Right? And we're just trying to say no. And that takes so much energy. Right? And our brain the whole time is like, you know, asking us to say yes. And like, you know, just give in and have that thing. So I want to just like, have a little revolution about this and have you swap these things around in your mind and instead start thinking about, how can I say yes to what I really want? Instead of saying no, how do I say yes to the things I really want now? Not the things my brain really wants, right? But the things I really want in my life.

Okay, so I wanted to give you like an example about this. So let's pretend that you've decided that you're going to get up and work out every day at 5 a.m., right? But then the night before, like, you're on the couch with your husband, you're watching a show like you've put the kids down, you finally get a minute to yourself and you're like, you don't want to go to bed early so that you can get up for that workout because you're like, I finally got to relax. I finally have a minute to myself. I'm one episode in, I'm going to watch another episode, right? And our brain is like, listen, if you're gonna wake up early, you really need to say no to that second episode.

You really need to, like, get yourself to bed. Right? What our brain is asking us to do is to say no to this indulgence of staying up so that we can get up early, right? And it's just really hard to say no. Right. And to keep that discipline up and and to like, be happy about it and to feel good about that because, like, we're hardwired for pleasure, right? That's why we want to stay up in the peace and quiet. That's why we want to watch the second episode. It like, feels good, right? It feels a lot more enjoyable than getting up early.

Right, and so, what I want you to think about in that moment as you're deciding whether or not I'm going to watch another episode, whether or not I'm going to go to bed on time, whether or not I'm going to stay up or whatever. They're not going to go to bed is to ask yourself simply, what do I want to say yes to? Instead of what do I want to say no to? What do I want to say yes to? Do I want to say yes to watching this episode, which will coincidentally like right, be available for all time, right? Or do I want to say yes to exercise in the morning?

Like, can you feel that shift? So, you now have a decision to make, right? But it's not a negative one. You're not eliminating something. You're not saying no. You're saying yes to tomorrow. You're deciding to say yes to the thing that holds higher value for you in your life. Okay, you're saying yes to the thing that you really want instead of like, no, you can't watch this. You're saying yes to that other thing that you want more to be able to get up and exercise. Okay. So, I want you to think about this idea that choice trumps force every time, right? Like giving yourself back your agency instead of forcing yourself to do something you don't want, is so much more effective, right? Instead of forcing yourself to go to bed or say no to that cookie, or say no to whatever else, instead bring it back to your choice, what do I want to say yes to? Right? Like learn to say yes and it will just like automatically move you in the direction you want and it will like reduce a lot of that friction, a lot of that resistance that we feel when we're feeling forced into something.

So, a lot of the changes that we make when we set our goals or when we change things in January, the problem is that we feel forced, even by our own selves, into this new thing. And so you want to switch that around and make yourself way more aware of your agency. What am I saying yes to? What do I want to say yes to? And feel that shift as you say yes to the things that you really want. Okay. Number two, the second revolutionary idea is when it comes to your goals, is that micro shifts are so much more important than big shifts.

Micro shifts are the biggest change agents that you have. The tiny little shifts are the only things that matter. So, in general, when we set goals, especially in January, we try to change too much too fast because we want to be dramatically different as quickly as possible. And it is like a really big stress on us, like. And it's an enormous stress mentally, emotionally and physically when we try to make all these changes all at once.

And when we give up or quit, we get mad at ourselves and we make it mean terrible things about ourselves and our commitment and our discipline and how we can't get what we want, when all it really means is that we have greatly underestimated the amount of mental, emotional, and physical work that is involved. We just underestimate how many shifts it takes to change our lives. And we greatly also underestimate the power of micro shifts. And I just want to like champion the idea of micro shifts and like, have you fall in love with micro ships? Okay.

And think about changing the smallest possible variable at a time, right? Just one small variable. Change one small thing, make a micro shift and then change the next one right and the next one. Change the smallest thought, then change the next one, and then the next one, and then the next one and it will accumulate. So like we live in a society of the instant makeover, right? Like there are no reality television shows about micro shifts, right? Like I was thinking like there's not Queer Eye of Micro shifts, right? Like nobody's going to watch 60 minutes of, like, changing one tiny little thought.

Right? And so, it just it's not that sexy. It's not going to get a lot of press. It's not gonna get a lot of airtime. And we think we have to like change in huge ways, in like fundamental ways and in order for it to be effective. And so I want you to just like think though, for a minute. Right. Like I'm trying to sell you on the idea of micro shifts. I want you to think about any result that you want in your life, whether it's like, you know, run a marathon or lose weight, get out of debt, write a book, improve your marriage like I want you to think about how many hundreds of thousands of choices creating those results take.

Like there's hundreds of thousands of actions that are going to have to accumulate to create those results. And now I want you to think about all those actions. I want you to think about how many feelings you will have to feel in order to take those actions. Right. And then how many thoughts you will have to think, to feel those feelings, to take those actions and to make those choices and those thoughts, those hundreds of thousands of thoughts. Those take energy. They take time, they take effort, they take intention.

And your brain is trying on purpose to get you to not spend that energy, to not make the effort, to not use that intention. It just wants to go back to its life on default, wants to go back to its old thoughts. It doesn't want to have to think about what it's going to think about. It just wants to like, think the whole thought. Right. And so it's creating so much friction every time you go to change one of those thoughts and change one of those feelings and change one of those actions, it's going to create so much friction for you. And then when you set these huge goals and want to make these huge changes like that just compounds those thoughts and feelings and actions that you have to take.

And so, it's just going to be so much more compassionate and really just so much more reasonable to consider doing micro shifts. Micro shifts are going to happen a choice at a time. I thought at a time, what am I going to choose to think in this moment, to create the feeling I need to take that action right? And sometimes just that one thought, that one choice to think that way is going to feel like a real wrestle inside your brain. Who's putting up all kinds of protests to thinking something new.

So, for example, I have a goal this year that I want to write a book. And so I started like when you think about that huge goal, right? Like I want to change my life, I'm going to write this book like that is too big for my brain to like, comprehend. Right? So I kind of break it down. What are the micro shifts that I need to make? So I was like, okay, I need to write a book. Okay. So let's like break that down. I need to write some chapters. Right. So okay. Then I need to just write one chapter. All right. So then I can break that down even further. I need to write a thousand words. Right. And then we break that down even further.

I just need to write a paragraph. Right. I can break that down any further. I need to make sure that I'm writing something every day. Right. And then I can break that down even further. I need to be able to sit for an extended period of time and look at a blank page. Right. I need to develop the discipline to just like, sit there and let the ideas flow and let that blank page not like, freak me out and not like, you know, get bored and antsy and my brain wants to do something else. And I decided, like the micro shift that I need to make before I sit with the blank page and before I write the paragraph, and before I write the thousand words, and before I write the chapter and before I write the book, like the micro shift is quieting.

My mind from outside voices. Right. Like, I need to stop spending so much time listening to outside voices so that I can get comfortable listening to myself so I can get comfortable with the quiet so I can get comfortable with the blank page. And so my micro shifts are just to start limiting how much time I spend on my phone, how much time I spend on social media, how much time I spend listening to podcasts, how much time I spend listening to outside voices. So I've, like, broken this down so small that it can just be like a tiny micro shift.

Like I'm going to decrease how much time I spend on my phone every single day, decrease it a little bit more. And that's okay if that small micro shift takes all of my effort and all of my focus at first like that is going to accumulate, I'm going to get better and better at that. I'm going to get stronger. It's stronger at that. Then I'm going to be more comfortable sitting there with the blank page, and after that I'm going to be more comfortable, like putting some words on that page. Okay. So I just want to offer you I know it doesn't sound flashy. I know it sounds slow.

I know it sounds hard. But listen, if you make micro shifts over a consistent period of time, it will create undeniable change in your life. I remember when I first came to coaching and I was losing weight. I remember like it took all of my effort to figure out, like, what am I going to eat that day, right? Like I would make a plan for my food, and it just felt like it took so much time and so much energy to be able to, like, plan that out and think about it and make menus and get the food all that right. And my brain would be like, this isn't even going to make a difference.

And like, planning your food for one day shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't take this much time. You need to make bigger efforts than this. And I, just like you, need to be exercising on top of it. You should probably be running. You should probably be doing all these other things right, and you should probably be taking supplements. You should probably like, right? Do some fasting. Like, your brain just wants to add all these things. And I was like, no, the only thing I have to do is plan my food for tomorrow. It's just like you make such a simple change, a micro change, and it starts to add up, okay? And listen when it feels like you're never going to get to the finish line and your brain says, you can't do this, I want you to say back, I haven't done it yet.

Of course you can. I just haven't done it yet. Okay. Number three, the third revolution I want you to make when it comes to your goals is to recognize that subtraction can be as valuable as addition. So when you ask yourself what you want and what goals you want, you can also just ask yourself what you don't want, what you want to leave behind. Like, it doesn't all have to be addition. You don't have to like start all these new things and like, make all these new programs and make all these new action plans and you can just, like, let some things go.

So sometimes when we approach goal setting, all our brain does is look around for what we don't have, what we aren't, what's missing, what we need to be, what we need to add, what we need to become, what we need to have, what we need to achieve, what we need to create. Right. It's just like more and more and more and more, and it can be really revolutionary. Instead to ask yourself, what do I no longer want? What do I want to say no to? What do I want to let go of? Now, I know that I've said this story to you like three times in the last month, but it had a big impact.

When I was making pie, I was using my grandmother's recipe. You'll remember this story, and I was just thinking, like, she's no longer here, right on Earth, and I am, but I'm not going to be here forever. And I started thinking like, oh my goodness. Like all the things that she worried about while she was here. Like, they don't matter anymore, right? Like she's gone and like whatever dissatisfactions or disappointment she had or worry she had or things that she thought about herself like, none of those matter anymore, right? Like she's not here.

And it just gave me this moment where I was like, oh my gosh, like my time on the stage is right now, and maybe I don't want to spend any more time on this stage being dissatisfied with my body, right? Not just my way and my body composition, which my brain is like, constantly dissatisfied with, right? But also just like aging. Like this year I turned 50, believe it or not, like this is the year I turned 50, right? And my brain just keeps saying like, oh, you shouldn't look the way you do. It should be different than it is.

Like, you shouldn't have so much gray hair, all these things. Right? There's just like my brain wants to produce all this dissatisfaction with my body, and I'm just like, maybe I'm just going to let that go, right? Instead of trying to fix all these things and change all these things, maybe I'm done being dissatisfied with my body. Maybe there's just things that I don't want to be my goals anymore. I just want to let them go. Another one that I've been thinking a lot about is just like any goal that makes me need to prove my worth. Like, I don't want any goals that are about proving that I can, proving my worth, proving my value, proving that I'm capable.

Like I'm done spending my limited time on this stage, proving that I'm okay and proving that I'm valuable, right. And just doing things to like, prove that like my life had meaning and was important. Like, no, maybe I'm just gonna let all of that go. I'm done with all of that. I would love to subtract all of that. Proving from my life, and I'm just done doing any goals this year to prove anything to anyone, especially myself. So, as you think about your goals this year, just as much as you think about like adding certain things, I really want you to think about the things you would love to let go of.

The fourth revolutionary idea I want to give you is to not use your goals to make your life better, but to use your goals to better your relationship with yourself. Okay. So so many times we're setting goals so that we can be better so that our lives can be better so that we can be happier. We're just like, I know when I get to this certain finish line that things are going to be better, right? The finish line of the goal, then my life is going to be better. And I really want to turn that on its head. And really, have you consider the idea that your goal is only there to better the relationship you have with yourself? I think that goals used right are such a good tool to use to get to know yourself, and also to love on yourself, to appreciate yourself, to develop a relationship of respect and admiration for yourself.

Okay, so when I think about the goals that I've had over the last 5 or 6 years, they have taught me so much about myself, about what I'm capable of, about what I really want, about my desires, about who I am, about what is true for me. And they have provided an opportunity to improve the relationship I have with myself, like giving me a chance to be there for myself, show up for myself, and I think my goals have provided opportunities and experiences for me that my brain was keeping me from.

And I want you to think about that. I want you to think about the things that you want that your brain has been keeping you from. And if you could provide those to yourself through your goals just because, like you want the opportunity, you want the experience, you want the skill. If you could have those and provide them for yourself, how awesome that would be for your relationship with yourself. So for me this year, I have some really deep desires that my brain has kept from me for nearly 50 years. I told you I was turning 50 and I've just decided, like, I want to pursue these goals for myself because I love myself.

Because I want to have these experiences before I leave this earth, and if I love myself, then I'm going to try and provide them for myself. Okay, so as you work towards your goals, there is an opportunity to show love for yourself. I think in two ways. One is not letting your brain win so that you start having the things that you really want that your brain is keeping you from. And two, to be super encouraging and super loving and super appreciative to yourself along the way. So before I found coaching and understood how my brain worked, like I would be so mean to myself in pursuit of goals every year I'd be like, okay, that's it, right? I'd be like a drill sergeant, like, you got to do these things.

And I would badger myself and I would expect perfection. And I would like, dismiss all of my efforts. And then, like, doing the goal was so uncomfortable and it created so and there was so much change involved. And then I was mean to myself on top of it. Right? And of course, I gave up and my brain would win because who wanted to do it when I was just like being mean to myself along the way? Anyway. So I just think it will really revolutionize and change things for yourself. If you will be encouraging and loving to yourself as you do these hard things that your brain doesn't want to do right?

What's really changed for me is not that I that I stopped doing hard things, I do hard things, but I am not mean to myself while I do them. In fact, I am really intentional about being encouraging. So a couple of months ago, I started doing cold plunge in my swimming pool here in Phoenix. Like the temperatures drop enough that like, I can just do the cold plunge out in my pool. And I was like, I'm going to do that this winter. I'm just going to like, take advantage of the cold water, and I'm going to try this cold plunge that I see everybody doing right, just for the fun of it, just for the joy.

I just want to see what happens if I do it for like 2 or 3 months straight. I just want to see what happens. And like. After a while it started getting colder and colder, right? Like every every day it gets a little bit cooler, right? And after a while, my brain is like, um, why aren't we doing this right? Like, this just doesn't make any sense. And so what I decided was like, this is an opportunity that every time I get in there and do this hard thing and my body sense these pain signals to my brain, right? Like, my toes hurt, my fingers hurt, my neck hurts.

Like I have all these pain signals going to my brain. I decided every time I get a pain signal, that is an invitation to tell myself how proud I am and how, and just be really encouraging. Tell myself that I appreciate myself doing this hard thing and that I love myself right? And it's like, so fun. Like I'll be standing outside the pool and kind of just like setting my intention. My brain's like, no, I don't want to do this thing. I don't want to do this thing right. I don't want to do this hard thing. And I'm like, don't worry. Every time it hurts, we're just going to tell ourselves how proud we are.

And that's what I do. I just get in there and I do that hard thing right for two minutes, and every time I get a pain signal, I'm just like, oh my goodness, I'm so proud of you. I appreciate you doing this. You're amazing. And I've just used it as an exercise to improve the relationship I have with myself. And you can do this with every goal you have, every time you have negative emotion, every time it's painful, every time it's hard, every time you like, your brain is like, I don't want to do this thing. You're like, don't worry, I'm going to go with you. And all along the way, when it hurts and it's hard, I'm gonna tell you how proud I am.

I'm going to encourage you. I'm going to use that as an opportunity to show more love for you. So I want you to think about that word discipline. Right. Like discipline also is a word that kind of gets lumped in with goals. And they get a bad rap, right? Like it's like a bad thing. But discipline, the root of discipline really is about learning, right? And instruction and about students. And it's like it comes from the Latin that that talks about being a student and learning things. And I really want you to think about that, that when you use discipline, you are learning something new.

You're learning something new about yourself. You're learning about your brain. You're learning all the tricks that your brain has. Right? But also, like there's an opportunity there to learn about. And expand the relationship you have with yourself, and you can use it as an opportunity to be curious about yourself. It's a chance to get to know yourself better. And it's a chance to treat yourself better. As you go to pursue your goals this year, of course you're going to face setbacks.

You're going to face obstacles. You're going to face days where your brain doesn't want to do it, and you give in and you listen to your brain, and we're all going to do that, right? But when you come to those moments, like approach those with discipline, and by that I mean it's an opportunity to learn about yourself and be curious about yourself. And instead of asking, what's wrong with me? I want you to ask yourself, what do I need, right? How can I be more encouraging? Where is my brain beating me up and and kind of winning? And what will help me to get what I want? How can I be encouraging to myself? So as the pool has gotten colder, I've been doing this cold plunging.

And as the pool has gotten colder, my brain like really, really fights and really tries to talk me out of it. And I've really asked myself that question, like, what do I need to be able to keep going? What? What are the tricks? What is my brain telling me to keep me from it? And what are the what do I need in those moments to be able to keep going? And what I found that I needed was to make the first 30s non-negotiable. So, what I tell myself is like, I know you don't want to do it. You only have to do it for 30s and I give myself an out and then I'm like, and then if it's really painful and you really don't want to do it, then you can get out.

And I've never gotten out once. Right? Because what I really needed was the understanding and the compassion for myself. Like, I know I had to meet myself there. I know it's hard. I know you don't want to do it. Guess what? You only have to do it for 30s. Let's go. I'm going to encourage you and I'm going to, you know, I'm going to be there with you and just really exploring how does my brain work and what works for me to help me, like keep going and keep taking this action has been so helpful. So use your discipline to get curious about yourself, not to beat yourself up.

You want to learn about yourself. What do you need in that moment? What kind of appreciation or encouragement do you need in that moment so that you can keep going?

Okay. The last thing that I want to be part of the gold revolution. I'm sure you've heard me say this a million times, but there is no such thing as the best version of you. And you are not setting a goal to get to a best version or a better version of yourself. You are going to hear that a lot over the next few weeks. I wish I could like strike it from our collective vocabulary. This idea of a best version, right? But the truth is, you are not any better at any finish line. Set any goal you want. It won't make you better. It won't make you best.

It won't get you to a place where you are better than you are now. Like you just can't be better than you are, and you're not even actually going to get to a place where you feel better about yourself. Because unless you have cultivated the work of the good relationship with yourself, you'll get to that finish line. Your brain will still find things wrong with you. All right? So don't use your goals as an attempt to get to some made up better version of yourself. Use your goals, like I said, to create a better relationship with yourself.

Getting better isn't a thing you will chase getting better forever. And just all you'll find out is that you can't. Now you can have different experiences. You can create different skills. You can set any goal you want to learn about yourself and create opportunities for yourself. But again, they won't make you better. However, you can always love yourself better. You can always know yourself better. You can always discover and create more of your desires. You can always get more of what you want, and that is the real revolution.

To use your goals to create more of what your authentic self really wants, instead of more of what your brain thinks you need to change in order to be acceptable or some like better version of yourself. You are always acceptable. You are always 100% lovable. No change necessary. When you start setting goals with that truth as your starting point, you will revolutionize the way you are experiencing your life. That, my friends, is 100% awesome. I love you for listening and I'll see you next week.

Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today. If you're serious about changing your life, you first have to change your mind. And the best way to do that is through coaching. I work with my clients one on one to help them change their thoughts and their feelings about themselves, their lives, and their challenges so that they can live a life they love. If you'd like to work with me one on one, you can learn more and schedule a free call to try coaching for yourself at Aprilpricecoaching.com