How to Stop “Othering” Yourself

Episode Summary 

Othering is a way of putting distance between yourself and others. It often involves seeing others as different than you in negative and insufficient ways.

But we can also “other” ourselves by telling ourselves that we aren’t like other people, that we can’t be like them, that we can’t create what they have, that we are more limited than other people, and that this means that we are lacking, inadequate, or less than other people.

Our brains love to tell us that we are different in all the wrong ways and this kind of thinking drastically limits our ability to create the lives we really want to be living.

In today’s podcast, I’m sharing three important concepts to help you stop “othering” yourself so that you can tap into your incredible, God-given power to create anything you want in your life.

How to Stop Othering Yourself

Our brains love to tell us that we’re different from other people in all the wrong ways, and this kind of thinking drastically limits our ability to create the lives we really want to be living. 

This is what it means when we’re othering ourselves.

What othering does is

• puts distance between yourself and others
• compares your decisions and choices to others’, and
• makes you see yourself as inadequate.

Before you can figure out how to stop othering yourself, though, you have to realize when you’re doing it. 

Let me give you an example…

I ran into a group of student athletes at the airport the other day, and noticed I was actually a little jealous. It made me think about the experiences I never had as a student. My brain offered me, “Your life would have been so different if you’d been more like them.”

When we tell ourselves that we're different from those people, like when I was thinking the thought “I'm different from the athletes”, it automatically comes with the thought that being different makes us less-than. That it makes me less-than that I grew up different, I had different talents, and I made different choices. 

I’ve been preparing for an endurance event for several months now, and later in the day after the airport encounter, I met up with my coach. 

We were talking about some of the plans and preparations we were making for the event when my coach said, “Okay, well, this is what I tell my athletes.” 

When he said that sentence, This is what I tell my athletes…

I was like, Oh my gosh. I'm one of his athletes. I am one of them. 

All day, I’d dwelt on how I was so different from these other people, the “real” athletes. My brain had othered me and told me I didn't belong with those athletes and that I couldn't have what they have.

And I didn't even notice that my brain had done that. But when my trainer talked to me as if I was an athlete, I realized my brain was telling me a story in which it was othering me and telling me I couldn't be like other people.

Through this story, you can start to understand how your brain can make you believe you’re different from other people –  and therefore less than other people because of the choices you’ve made.

And that’s a dangerous way to think about yourself.

Because you start to believe the things they’ve created for themselves are unavailable to you.

Ready to know how to stop othering yourself? In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Three important concepts to help you stop “othering” yourself and start to create what you want in your life
• The two things every one of us has in order to build the experiences we want
• How your jealousy can be used as a tool to your advantage 

Episode Transcript

 Welcome to the 100%. Awesome podcast with April Price. You might not know it, but every result in your life is. 100% because of the thought you think. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome.

Hello Podcast Universe! Welcome to Episode 168 of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I'm April Price, and I just wanted to check in with you. How are you? How are things in your world? For me, it has been a summer of feeling. That's kind of what I'm calling it. And every time I have a new feeling and a new emotion, I'm like, Oh yeah, this is the summer where we're practicing feeling all the feelings. And I have had some amazing, beautiful, positive emotions that have felt amazing, and I have had plenty of negative ones as well. And I just I am having a summer where I just keep noticing, like, oh yeah, this is what it means to be human. This is why I came to feel this feelings, to realize the choices I'm making and to decide for myself how it is I want to feel.

And so, I've been practicing feeling. I hope that whatever you are feeling this summer, that you are recognizing that you are the creator of it, and that you're not making yourself wrong for it. So, just a little update on my life, where I'm at, what's happening, my son is officially off on his mission. He started a couple weeks ago at the home MTC. And yesterday we hugged him, goodbye and kissed him and prayed over him and said goodbye at the airport. And he is off and there is nobody here now but us chickens. I like to say the house has officially been emptied and David and I are navigating that and figuring out what comes next. And I admittedly there has been some mourning with that, right? Because we created something really beautiful here, and there's a big part of me that is sad to see the end of that.

But of course, there is no end, not really. It isn't really over, it's just changing forms. Our family life is now changing the format, and that changing form is also allowing us to dream about some new creations for us together as a couple. And we are starting to create some new possibilities. And to answer the question, what is it we want? What do we want to do next? And I love knowing that it is up to us that I get to decide what I want and then I decide what I want to create in my life and how I want to live it, and that I am entitled to that as a child of God. And I get to use my agency to create that. And really and truly there is nothing off the table. And that actually brings us to the subject of the podcast today.

Where we're going to be talking about using your power, using your agency to create what you want, and to stop telling yourself that it's not for you. Okay, and I wanted to start by just sharing a story that might seem a little silly or a little stupid, maybe a little childish and inconsequential to you. But, you know, I'm okay with that. You know, all of the things about me, and I think that this story, though, really illustrates some cool things that I want to offer to you that will maybe shift the way you're thinking about yourself.

So, yesterday at the airport, after we sent Ethan off. We were heading back towards the car. And as we went down the escalator and then we were like heading towards where the car was, there was this like whole group of athletes, right there, the whole like team of people. They had little badges that said like student athlete or whatever, and they were kind of like blocking the way, right? And as we were kind of like weaving in and out between them, my brain offered me these thoughts and my brain was just like ugh athletes, right? They just think they're so cool, right? And I noticed as I went through there, my brain even offered me thoughts like, oh like your life would have been different if you had been like them, right? And I notice myself being a little bit jealous of them and thinking about the experiences that I had never had, right?

And I had this moment where I thought like, really and truly my life would have been so different if I had been a student athlete, right? If I had like liked the things they liked and if I had the natural talent for the things that they have, and if I had had the willingness to work for the things they worked for, like my life would be different, right? And like when I was in high school, when I was a student and like my favorite thing to do was to read, and to write. And like even on Friday nights, my friends and I like for fun we would go to the bookstore, like sit in the bookstore and dream about all the books that we would buy if we had all the money, right? And like, like, I just have had a different life experience because like, I didn't make the same choices as those student athletes made. And in that moment, I just noticed my brain being like really almost jealous and kind of like telling me that, like their life is better. Would have been better than the one that you picked.

And it was just really interesting, like as an almost 50 year old woman to like, notice my brain offering me those thoughts, right? And it reminded me we just got back from vacation with our family. And one morning we were sitting around the breakfast table, and we were talking about like how my kids lives would have been different if they had been born into a different family and they were kind of talking about their cousins and they were like, Yeah, if we'd been born into that family, we would be ripped. Like we would be strong, we would be athletes, we would be like such different people, right? And it's just so funny that my kids have the same thought as I did. Like my life would have been different, as my life would have been better if I had those experiences, if I had been born into that family, if I had those desires, if I had like that kind of programming, right?

And what I want to bring to your attention is this idea of othering ourselves. So, first of all, like, what do I mean by othering? So, a lot of times this concept of othering means like we kind of separate ourselves from other people and we say like, they're different or I'm different, and that difference makes me less that. So, we often talk about this in terms of like when we think about other people and we other them and we think that they're less than because they aren't like us. But today I want to kind of turn that concept around and talk about how we other ourselves, how we tell ourselves that we're different than those people, that I'm different than those athletes. And that makes me less than that. I grew up different, I had different talents, I made different choices, and that somehow makes me less than. And I think it's really important that you look at in your life how your brain is making like you are different than than other people and less than other people because of the choices that you have made and that somehow the things they have created for themselves are unavailable to you.

Okay, so the reason that this all became really apparent to me is because I noticed those thoughts in the morning and I was like, that's really interesting, right? Like, I'm still a little bit jealous of student athletes, that's interesting to see. And then later that day I had a meeting with my coach who's helping me prepare for my endurance event. And he was talking to me and he was like answering my questions. And he's like, okay, well, this is what I tell my athletes. And when he said that sentence, when he said, This is what I tell my athletes, I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm one of his athletes. Like, I am one of them. He's talking about me when he says, this is what I tell my athletes.

He was telling it to me because he considers me to be his athlete. And I was like, Oh my gosh. All day my brain was telling me that I was different, that I was less than that. I was, you know, I was other than these other people, right? I was different than these other people my brain had othered me and told me I didn't belong with the athletes and I couldn't have what they have. And I didn't even see it. I didn't even notice that my brain had done that. But when my coach talked to me as if I was an athlete, I realized, Oh my gosh, my brain is not telling me the truth. My brain is telling me a story in which it is othering me. It is telling me I can't be like other people. I am less than in some way that they're different than me and I don't have inside me the same things and I can't create the same things, you know, in my life and in so many ways, that makes me less than.

And I tell you all of this, to have you notice how my brain had othered me when I am already, like in so many ways. And my brain is still telling me that I am not, and I want you to start examining your own life and ask yourself, how is my brain doing the same thing to me? How is my brain telling me that I am different and less than in whatever area I want? Something else, right? Does your brain tell you that you can't have a marriage like that? That you can't have a relationship with your kids or your parents or with your friends like that? Does your brain tell you that you can't have the financial situation or the health and fitness situation that someone else has, that you're different and it's not available to you? Does your brain tell you that you can't have the relationship with God that you want, that you're not good enough for, that you don't know how to get answers, that he doesn't talk to you, that you're different than other people. Does your brain tell you that you can't achieve the goals you want in your life or have the business that you want? Or does it tell you that is not available to you? That in some way it's available to other people and not you? As you look around your life, in what way is your brain othering you and telling you that you are different and that you can't have that and you are less than because of it? What do you want that your brain is telling you is not for you?

And then I want you to ask yourself another question. Why not me? Why not me? Why not you? You are an agent who gets to choose and act for yourself and create what you want. And the only answer to why not you is the story that your brain is telling you. And I want you to know that you can stop buying it. What I know about human beings is that we are beings that crave agency above everything else. Like we want to be able to act for ourselves more than anything else. And when our brain tells us that we don't have a choice, that we have to accept our lives as it is, and that like because of the choices of other people or because of who we are, because of our limitations, because of our past choices that we can't have those things. Like we really hate that those kinds of constraints and limitations feel terrible to our spirit because our spirit knows the truth, which is that we always have the ability to choose and we are not limited. And most of us are going through our lives like really dissatisfied and unhappy because we are yearning for more agency, for more self-efficacy, for more ability to create what we want when we have this brain that keeps telling us that we can't.

And I think what we all really want is to feel more empowered in our lives. So today, I want to offer you three thoughts to help you stop othering yourself and allow you to really step into the possibility where you can ask yourself, like, Why not me? And realize that there's absolutely no reason for why not you. Okay, so the first thing that I want you to know, the first thought that I want to give you is that you will not be better there. So, when we other ourselves of course we are thinking that like they have something that we can't have and we are less than because of that, right? We aren't like them we haven't made the same choices and therefore we are less then, and this thought that we are less then, that any human can be less than another is totally poison.

Okay, so I just want you to know that whatever you're looking at, whoever you're looking at, whatever they have that you want to create in your life, I want you to know that they are not better. That you are not worse. You are not less than. Like we all just get to make choices and that's all they are. And those choices don't make any of us better or worse than another. And this is important to know, because if we go to pursue the things that we want in our lives, with the premise that right now we are less than, and that when we are somehow different, when we are more like somebody else, then we will be better. We are creating unknowingly so much pain, so much hustle, so much desperation, so much shame as we go to create those things in our lives. And I know this because this is how I spent most of my life.

Always trying to change my life and be different from the thought that that where I am is awful and it's not good enough. And, and like I am less than and I just was always trying to be better. And my brain, no matter what, always made me less that no matter what I changed, it was always othering me. And so, for example, if I tried to be patient in my life and I like really was working at being patient, my brain would say, Well, yeah, like, fine, you're doing better at being patient. But actually it shouldn't be this hard. Like for other people it's not that hard. And the fact that you have to work at it says that you are less than right. Or like, if I managed my money. Or I ate healthy, my brain would say, yeah, okay, maybe you did that today, but you're never going to be as good as them because you're so far behind.

And so, even as I was trying to change my life, my brain kept othering me and kept telling me I was still less than in order to get the things you want, in order to create different things in your life. This is a habit you have to break. They aren't better and you aren't worse. And nothing they choose or nothing you choose will ever change that. You aren't going to be better no matter what choices you make because you aren't worse or what choices you make. And this is absolutely key. In order to stop othering yourself and make what you want possible for you. And I want you to know that this takes constant work and reminding like, seriously, you guys just yesterday, my brain othered me on the way out of the airport. It was telling me like, Oh, those student athletes are better than you, and ultimately their lives are going to turn out better than yours. And right then my brain was like, Oh, here's the ranking system and you are less than.

And so, my brain and your brain always want to rank people by their choices and figure out where we rank in reference to them, okay? And so, I have to actively remind myself that these are just choices like and whatever I choose to create in my life will never make me better or worse. And that takes the pressure off it takes the shame out of the equation it removes the desperation and the heaviness from whatever it is I'm pursuing, right? It, like, reduces all the stakes in what you're creating. So, it is really important as you go to, like, stop othering yourself to recognize that like any time I make somebody else's choices better or my choices worse, that is a symptom of othering.

Okay, so the next thought that I want to give you is I want you to pay attention to what you want to create in your life by noticing your jealousy. So, jealousy is one of those emotions, like, doesn't feel great, obviously, and we're kind of embarrassed by it, right? Like, as I told you that story from yesterday, I was a little bit embarrassed by this jealousy. But our jealousy reveals our desires to us. And I think it can really serve you to notice what you wish you could have, right? I want you to notice that I am only jealous when I think it is something I can't have, right? And this is part of the othering when our brain says you're different than them and you can't have it. So, I only feel jealous when I believe they have something I can't have. And so, when I notice it, there is an opportunity there to notice, like, what is my brain telling me that I can't create? And when I respond to that thing in someone else and I want what they have, I can change that feeling of jealousy when I realize they aren't showing me what I can't have.

They are revealing to me what is also possible to me, right? What if you are just responding to your own potential? To the things that you truly want to create. And what if the thought that you can't have it is just the story your brain is giving you. And I like to think that like my jealousy is shining a light on my own potential, in my own desires. And there is nothing that anybody else has that I can't have also. A long time ago, my coach had me do an exercise where she had me tell her the three people I admired most and why I admired them. And she told me after I did that exercise, she said, Whatever you see and admire in someone else is something that is already inside you, waiting to grow and expand. It's not that they have something you don't like, the part of you that is already that is already brave or loving or courageous that you admire in somebody else.

The part of you that is already that is responding to that and wanting to grow and expand. So, pay attention to that jealousy and notice what if what I am seeing is simply revealing my own potential and something that I can grow and expand. Okay, and that brings me to the final thought that I want to give you to help you stop othering yourself and answer the question, why not me? So, the final thought that I want to give you is that whatever it is that you want to create in your life, you already have everything you need.

When our brain, others, us our brain is telling us usually that they have something you don't. That they have an ability, that you don't, that they have more capacity or potential. Or what they have is unavailable to you, and this is always a lie because each one of us all have the same building blocks for creation. You have the exact same building blocks that anybody else has. I want you to notice that what you need to create anything in your life is time in a body like you need a life. You need to be alive, you need to have time in your body in which to create it. And then you need the ability and the power to choose. And you have both of those things. You are alive right now. You are alive in a body, and you have the God given ability to choose for yourself what you do with that life, what you do with your time, the choices you make every day, every moment. And with that agency comes the power to create the things you want from those choices has a child of God. Your Heavenly Parents have given you everything you need to be like them.

You have the seeds of divinity within you, right? We are all kings and queens in infancy and everything that they have. All the characteristics, all the power, all the potential that they have are inside of you as their child and can be grown and developed when your brain wants to other you. You can remember that in fact you are a child of God and that means there is no such things as other. You have everything that they have and anything you want is therefore possible, right? There aren't certain ones of their children with less power to be like them. There aren't certain ones that their children that have less power to choose for themselves or to create. There aren't certain ones of their children with less potential or less ability. You are not one of those children. All of their children have the same gifts and capacity and potential. We have all been given the same two building blocks with which to create our life. We have been given time and a body and we have been given agency. And all that is left now is to choose to grow our ability to choose.

And with that, choosing, our ability to create what you see in your heavenly parents is inside of you in embryo, and they have given you this life in order to grow and expand those abilities, right? You are a spirit child of God, and that spirit is the chooser. And you as the Queen are king, have a level of self-determination that you get to use to do that creating. Like we all have insecurities, we all diminish ourselves. We all have brains that other us. But that is the lie. That is the veil of your brain, and that is the illusion. And you have to give yourself permission to recognize that, like, I have everything I need. And with that comes the permission to, like, step into the light and create what you want. And if your brain is telling you that you can't have what other people have, that you're different somehow that is the lie.

So, yesterday I was listening to Robin Zone and she asked this question I think can be really useful to all of you whose brain is othering you. And she said, What decision would I make if I were twice as confident and twice as strong? What would you create? What would you choose to do? What decisions would you make if you were twice as confident and twice as strong? That question will reveal what you want to create. And I just want you to know that you get to choose it. You have a life and you have agency, and that means you have everything you need to be able to create it. Now, your brain is not going to agree with that. Your brain is going to tell you all the reasons you can't.

But that is why I love coaching, because that is where I truly learned to choose to truly use my agency to create what I want in my life. It is the place where I learn to choose, like what I want for my body, what I want to do with my money, what I want my relationships to be like. Like I was thinking about. Like I remember thinking that I was not a person who could love easily, that like I was just not good at that. I didn't have the capacity for it. And that is nonsense, because if I am a child of God, I have just as much capacity as He does for love, and I just have to grow that. And yeah, that's going to take an eternity, but I get to start practicing it now. And coaching showed me how to choose love, how to create that in my life. And my brain kept telling me, you're never going to be that thing. You're never going to be a person who can love, who understands how and coaching showed me that it always comes down to my choices, no matter what it is I'm going to create. But I didn't know what choices I needed to make, I didn't know where and how to make those choices. And coaching showed me exactly how to do that.

It allows me to use the two God given tools that I have. It allows me to use the time I have here in this body to use my agency and to grow my ability to create things. It allows me to ask why not me? And then recognize that there is no answer to why not me. So, if you want to get better at being able to use your agency and your life to create what you want, have some resources against all the times your brain is going to other you and tell you, yeah, it's not for you. Then I want to invite you to coaching my next coaching session.

My next group starts the first week in August. It's like a week away. I would love to get on a call with you and talk about where you are and what you want to create in your life and how that is possible for you and how your brain is wrong about all the reasons it says that you can't have what you want. You can get on a call by going to my website there's a button there where you can get on a call you can go to Aprilpricecoaching.com or text the word "call" to 66866 and set up a time to get on that call with me. The next group, like I said, starts the first week in August. It's going to be such an amazing group, I have made a bunch of changes to the program to make it even more effective for my clients. First of all, I reduce the price. I know that like things are tough right now and that price can really be a roadblock. And I so, I've reduced the price. I also added a one-on-one component to it. So, I believe so strongly in the group coaching container because I think there are just things you cannot see in your own brain that are so much easier to see in someone else's. But I also understand that some of the things that you want to talk about are vulnerable and scary and it feels hard to do in the group.

So, I've added a one-on-one component, which means that not only are you going to get the four group coaching calls every single month, but you will also get a one on one call with me every single month. There are bonus workshops on top of that and there's just so much goodness in there to be able to help you create the things you want to use your agency to use, the tools you already have to get the things you want out of your life. I just want to offer you that there's no reason for why not you. You can have anything you want. If there is something you want. You have everything you need to get it. You have been given this life. You have been given to day, and you have agency to choose. And that is the only creative power you need. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome. I love you for listening, and I'll see you next week.

Our brains spend a lot of time convincing us that we can't change and we can't have the things we want. But it's always a. You have the unlimited capacity to change and grow and the unrestricted agency to choose something else any time you want. If you are ready to change any aspect of your life, then it's time to change the way you think. And my coaching program is the best way to do that. My next session starts August 1st. Go to Aprilpricecoaching.com to sign up for a free coaching call and see how coaching can help you.