Purpose and the Life You Were Supposed to Have

As humans, most of us wonder about our purpose. Unlike God’s other creations, we tend to worry about what we’re supposed to be doing with our lives and how to find and fulfill our true purpose while we’re here on earth.

Sometimes these concerns cause us to hurt ourselves with the thought that our lives were supposed to be different than they are and that if we were better somehow or had made better choices, then we’d have the life we were really supposed to have.

In today’s episode of the podcast, I’m sharing some thoughts to help you feel more peaceful about your purpose and the life you have created. I hope it will allow you to let go of the nagging thoughts that tell you that you’ve missed something or done your life wrong and help you see that you are always having the exact life experience you need.

Transcript

Welcome to the 100% Awesome Podcast with April Price. You might not know it, but every result in your life is 100% because of the thoughts you think. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome.

Hello podcast universe. Welcome to episode 240 of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I'm April Price and I want to welcome you to the podcast. We are well into December now. I think like technically Christmas is only 18 days away. So how are you? I'm not going to ask you if you are ready for Christmas because that is my all time like worst question. I hate that question more than any other question in the world. Are you ready for Christmas? No, I am not ready. But I don't need to be because it is not Christmas yet. I will be ready on Christmas and that will be perfect. So anyway, I hope you are actually really enjoying the best parts of the season. It is really easy I think, to miss the best parts and as our brain is busy looking for all the parts that have gone wrong, it can probably find plenty of evidence for that. So, this is just your reminder that there are some good parts out there and it's your reminder to notice.

Notice something that you love, even just notice something you love in this moment right now, right now, just look around. What can you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste? What can you feel? Pick one of those things. Pick something you love about this moment and just notice it. Just appreciate it. And speaking of appreciation, I would love to hear from those of you who love and enjoy this podcast.

So, right now we have 138 five star reviews on Apple Podcasts. Technically, I think there are a few that are not five stars, but like we're just going to ignore that. We don't want to know about that, right? And think we have eight five star reviews on Spotify. So if you've noticed, we started this episode, this is episode 240, and I thought it would be a really fun goal to try and get 250 combined reviews either on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, whichever you listen to. Before we get to episode 250. All right, so that gives us ten weeks, ten episodes to get 104 reviews, five star reviews on either Apple Podcasts or Spotify. So it is not escaped my notice that it has taken us 240 weeks to get 146 reviews, so this might be a big ask, but I think we can do it. I think that most of you just need an invitation to leave a review, and it doesn't even have to be a review. You can just click the five stars and that will count, right? I just would love to get 255 star reviews.

So if you would like to leave a review, I would love that so much. It is so easy, it just takes a few seconds. So if you're on Apple Podcasts, when you open up the podcast page at the bottom of the page, it will say ratings and reviews, and there are five stars there, and you can just click it and be done. When you open up on Spotify, if you just open up the podcast page, you'll notice three little dots right above the episode title. And if you click those three dots, it will open up an option to rate the podcast. And again, you just have to click the stars super easy. We'll only take you a few seconds, but I would love it if you would play along and help me reach this goal.

I so appreciate you being here and listening and supporting the podcast and sharing it with your friends. And this is a way to give back and show your appreciation, and it will help other people find the podcast. We're coming up on a new year and maybe they need some new thoughts, so I would love it if you would go on there and leave a review. You can do it right now while we're talking if you want. Okay with that, let's get to the episode today. So today's episode has really actually, like, been burning a hole in my pocket for a few weeks. And like, I've just been feeling like I really need to do this episode because for the last few weeks, it seems like there are a lot of people that I've talked to and coached a lot of my clients or people that signed up for free coaching calls where a lot of their painful thoughts are kind of around this idea that we're going to talk about today, this idea of finding their purpose, of understanding their purpose, of fulfilling their purpose.

And so many people feel like I don't even know what my purpose is. I don't know how to find it. And I'm worried that, like, I've run out of time, that I've missed fulfilling my purpose. I'm scared that I've wasted my life and not fulfilled my purpose. And like, I'm just going to have nothing but regret when my life is over. And this idea of like, really trying to figure out our purpose is one of those like, universal human experiences. Everyone has it. The other week I coached somebody who was well into their 70s talking about like, I just don't know my purposes.

And I talked to somebody who was just like barely into their early 20s saying the same thing. I don't know what my purpose is. I feel like it doesn't matter who you are, how old you are, if you're male or female, like married or single, I just feel like this is a universal human experience, to wonder and to question what our purpose is. And I also think it's a very unique experience that comes to us as humans. Like when you think about all of God's creations, I think we are the only ones of his creations that worries about our purpose, that worries what our purpose is, and worries that we might not have fulfilled our purpose.

Right? Like I was thinking about my dog. Like he never worries what his purpose is in life, right? He never worries that he didn't figure out his purpose and he didn't make it happen. And then he wasted his life. And it's the same with like, the trees and the mountains and the birds and the flowers. Like they never worry that they have a purpose outside of their creation that they need to fulfill. They never worry that there's something outside of simply existing that they should be doing right. But as humans, we do.

We wonder and we worry. We worry like what we're supposed to be doing down here on earth. We wonder what our purpose is. We worry that we might have missed it somehow, or squandered it some way, that we might not ever figure out what our purpose is. And so I'd like to start today by talking about your purpose. And I really want you to hear me and consider these thoughts and consider what might be different in your life if you. Thought about your purpose in this way. Now, this is just one way to think about it, but it's the way that has served me so well. I just want to invite you to it to really think about your purpose this way. All right. So I think that your purpose is to be here, to be alive, to have the experience of mortality, to just be here as a spiritual being inside a physical body.

That is the purpose of each one of us. And that means that your purpose was fulfilled the moment you were created. There's nothing else to search for or look for. You don't have to hunt. You don't have to work and strive and discover. You don't have to find a purpose beyond your life, or beyond the breath that is moving in and out of your lungs in this moment. The purpose of your life is to have a life. Like your creation is your purpose, and your purpose has already been fulfilled. And I would just love to put all of your minds at rest. And like I can hear some of you talking back to me right through space and time, and you might be saying like April, but that can't be it, right? That's only half of it.

Right? Because maybe you were taught, like I was, that you came to Earth to get a body. Right? That is our purpose. And but also you came to learn to choose. And getting the body part was only half of it. And so then it feels like half of my purpose and isn't being fulfilled. Like I came to learn to choose. And what about this? Like, what if I haven't chosen the right things? And maybe I'm not sure that I've done a very good job choosing and learning to choose, because my life doesn't look the way that it was supposed to.

And a lot of us have this idea that we might have messed this part up. The choosing part, and the learning to choose part. And that causes a lot of us so much unnecessary pain. We hurt ourselves with the thought that our lives were somehow supposed to be different than they are, and if we were better choosers, if we had learned faster, if we were better somehow, if we were better people or stronger people, or more disciplined, more capable if we had less weaknesses or less excuses. Like I said, we were just better at choosing and that if we had made better choices, then we would have a different life. We would have the life we were really supposed to be having. And we tell ourselves that all the choices that we have made have prevented us from accomplishing our real purpose, and for having the life we were supposed to have. And it's just so painful.

So, the other day, I was talking to my son, who's serving his mission. He's about 18 months in. He's got about six months left. And I just could tell that, you know, something was kind of like weighing on him and kind of bothering him. And I said, Ethan, is there anything I can do to help you? And he just kind of like opened up and share it. He he said, you know, mom, I just like when I first started the mission and things didn't go the way that I thought they were supposed to go. I thought it was just because I was new, right? And I just hadn't learned enough. And that the more I learned and that I would become a better missionary, and that I would really, like, get better at these skills and better at the language and better all of it, and would understand and I would know more and I would just, like, be more capable.

And he's like, I just felt like after I was done being new, then I would start having the mission that I was supposed to have. And he's like, you know, now I'm like 18 months in and I'm still thinking like, well, maybe I missed something because I thought it was going to be different than this. I thought it was going to look different than this, and maybe I'm not doing it right, and maybe I miss something. And maybe, you know, God is disappointed in me and I. And I'm just not having the mission that I was supposed to have.

And I think a lot of us can relate to Ethan's concerns. Right? Like, he's talking about his mission, and all of us are like, yeah, that's how I feel about my life, right? Like, I know he is not alone in his concerns. A lot of us have this thought. A lot of us have this idea that it was going to look different than it does, and that that means that we miss something. And that we didn't learn what we were supposed to learn, and we didn't fulfill all that we were supposed to do, and that somehow we missed out on the life that we were supposed to have.

And, you know, maybe you have other variations on this same idea, right? For example, maybe you're just looking at the last year, you look back at this year that is quickly coming to a close, and maybe you're just like, well, this was not the year I was supposed to have. It was not supposed to look like this, like it wasn't supposed to turn out the way that it did. Right. And like, maybe I missed something along the way because, like, my year just doesn't look the way that I thought it was going to look. Or maybe you've had this thought about your family or your children and you think like, well, it was supposed to look different than it does.

And the life that they are living is supposed to be different than the life that they are living and and that they are choosing. And maybe you thought that it was going to be different for them. But like whatever the variation on this theme of like it's supposed to be different and somehow I miss something. And so I'm not having the experience I'm supposed to have. I want to tell you what I told my son. And this brings us to the second important thing that I want you to hear in this podcast today, and that is that we are always having the experience we are supposed to have.

Like, just because it doesn't look the way you thought or you imagined that it was supposed to go, doesn't make it wrong. We are always having the experience that we are meant to have because we are having it. What we are wrong about every time is that the made up alternate version in our head is the right one, and the one we are living is wrong. That that is simply not true. The life that you were, quote unquote, supposed to live or supposed to have only ever exists in your mind.

It's not real, and it only exists out there to hurt you. And that life, that quote unquote you were supposed to have is always wrong because it is different than reality. We always have the life we were supposed to have. We have the marriage we are supposed to have. We have the mission we were supposed to have our children have the lives that they were supposed to have. We've had the year that we were supposed to have. How do I know this? Because it is the one we had.

And that means that no other version of any of those things can exist. It is always right because nothing else, no made up supposed to life can ever be more correct than what is. And the way out of pain is to allow for what is. Like there is so much pain created in the idea of what is supposed to be, and that is just made up. My son never had any idea what his mission was supposed to look like, except some imaginary version in his head, but the one he's supposed to be having is the one that he's actually experiencing. We always have the life we're supposed to have, given the circumstances of our life, and given the choices that we have made within those circumstances. And all of those choices were simply result of the thoughts that we believed at the time, the things we thought created our life. And listen. We didn't know how to think anything else yet, right? We were learning and whatever we thought and whatever choices we made as a result of those thoughts, they have helped us learn what we know now.

So, it is the middle of winter, right? It is the season of letting things die and composting all the things that no longer serve you. And I would love for you to let these two ideas die. These two ideas that your purpose exists outside of your existence, and the idea that a different version of your life is supposed to be there and it's supposed to exist, and that the one that you are living is wrong. If you could let these two ideas die. There is so much peace and so much power that will come from shedding these ideas, because when we hold on to them, we keep these ideas.

Then we are stuck like we're nearly paralyzed, trying to find the one thing that gives us purpose and meaning and worried about making the wrong choice about that. Or we're just stuck in the past. Stuck. Regretting, stuck like ruminating over was supposed to be, and wishing that we could start over and mad at ourselves for doing it wrong. When we believe we have to find our purpose, and that only then will we be able to live the life we are supposed to live, like we create so much pain for ourselves and we stay stuck. And when you let these two ideas go, then you can simply get busy loving the life you are in and creating what you want.

So just for example, I want you to think about my son. I want you to think about what his experience will be like if he keeps thinking I miss something. If he keeps thinking like I haven't fulfilled my mission and I haven't, like, completed the purpose for which I came, like that is going to be such a painful way to experience the last six months. He'll just notice, like everything he's doing wrong and everything he's missing out on, and how it doesn't compare to the imaginary version in his head. But notice what happens if he decides this is the exact mission that I was supposed to have. I am learning the exact things I'm supposed to learn. I'm fulfilling the purpose that God gave me by being alive and by choosing to be on this mission. Like on the one hand, it's just like fear and regret and shame, and on the other, he's like confidence and pride and joy and possibility. And the same is true for you. I think these two ideas alone are enough to change your life, but I just want to give you three other kind of companion ideas here that might help you with this as well. And we've kind of touched on them a little bit, but I want to be just like really clear and point them out.

So, the first one of those is that there isn't one right way, there isn't one mystery path that you were supposed to take. And if you missed it, then there's no hope for you, right? There are a million ways to live your life, and there aren't any ways of doing it wrong. I think so many times we get so caught up that like, there's this one purpose and if I could find it, then I'm just going to feel that, like fulfillment. I'm going to feel like I found the answer to my life. But there isn't ever just one right thing. There are a million choices available to you. I think I've told you this before, but like I've told my kids this many times, like they're all young adults and they're all making decisions. They're all trying to figure out the right way, right? And feeling like, okay, there's one way to live my life. There's one purpose. And I got to figure out that one right way. And like, I'm always like, no, you just you just get to choose. You just. You're the creator, right? And I always compare it to, like. Like you think about your life as, like a jigsaw puzzle that, like, God gave you a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle, but he hid the picture from you, and you're trying to put these pieces together, and you have no idea what it's supposed to look like.

And you just like trying, testing out all these different pieces and you can't find the right ones. And you're just like, you have no idea what it's supposed to look like. And God's keeping it a mystery for you. But, you know, there's just like, one right way, one perfect picture. And if you could just figure that out, then, you know, you could feel like you had met your purpose. And I always tell them, like, it's not a jigsaw puzzle, like it's just a lump of clay. My God, in his generosity, just handed you a lump of clay and said, create your life. Create what you want. Make anything you want.

You're going to learn all the lessons you need, no matter what you choose. All right. And that brings us to the next point, which is that you are always learning. You can't not learn. Like, we get so worried that we're not learning the right things or that we aren't learning it fast enough, but we're always learning, right? You came to learn to choose and you can't not do it. Every choice you make is teaching you, is giving you. Experience, is helping you grow, is giving you more understanding is teaching you like. Like you're just learning one more thing.

Sometimes at church I'm asked to like substitute to play the organ and listen. You guys like, I am not good. I'm not good at the organ. And I always tell everybody, like, there are a million ways to get it wrong. And like, there's, there's like, you got both hands and you got both feet and there's just like a million keys and a million ways to play it wrong. And like, you know, a limited number of right notes. And then there's me who can play a million ways wrong. And like, however many times I practice it and however many times like, let's say I'm working on one particular measure and I get that measure right, then for sure, I'm going to mess up the next measure right? Like even if I learned that one note, there's a million others that I can get wrong.

And sometimes I think like no matter how many times I practice this, I can still find a new way to get it wrong. Right? And sometimes I just think about our life in the same way. Like even when I nail this choice over here, then I don't. I don't get this one. Right? Right. And like it. Just like really understanding that it it doesn't matter. The point was never to come and play it right. The point was to come and and try it a million ways wrong and learn every single time.

Like, however badly you think you've done it, however badly you think you're learning how to choose. You are still doing exactly what you came to do. You are still learning to choose. And it's all useful. It's all necessary. And I think it's so important that you understand that you can't know what you know until you've learned it. I know that sounds like really obvious, but like so many times we look at our lives and we're like, oh, I should have known what I know now then.

And this is nonsensical. The only reason we know it now is because we did it wrong then. So I really want to invite you to stop judging the past version of you that did the hard work of not knowing and choosing anyway, so that you could know what you know now. Like, I got to turn on the organ and I got to miss the F sharp before I know. Oh, yeah. Don't miss the F sharp. And I think one of the most valuable things that you can do for yourself is let yourself practice, let yourself learn, and stop thinking that learning means never getting it wrong.

Okay. The last idea that I kind of want to end with here today is to remind you that the future hasn't been written. There is nothing that you were supposed to do. Your life isn't supposed to look any different than it does. But there's plenty that you can still do if you want to. So over Thanksgiving I made a whole bunch of pies. Pies is one of the things in this world that I do really, really well, like. Like, I really enjoy it and I'm really good at it. But I was standing at the kitchen counter and I was making pie dough, and I always use my grandmother's recipe.

And my grandmother has since, you know, passed on. And I was standing there in the kitchen using her recipe and putting the flour in the mixer and cutting in the shortening and rolling out that pie dough. And as I was doing that, I just like in my mind's eye, I could see my grandmother doing it. And I just kept thinking about like. There was a time when she was standing at a kitchen counter making pie dough for Thanksgiving, and there was a time when, you know, she was rolling out the pie dough for her family.

And it just hit me that like. She's gone. Her time to stand in the kitchen and make pie for her family has come and gone. And my time will go to. And as I stood there in the kitchen, I realized one day my granddaughter will stand in her kitchen and use this recipe and make pie dough for her family. And I won't be here. And it was just such a poignant moment to recognize, like my grandmother's time on the stage of Earth has come and gone and the curtain has closed and it's my time now I'm on the stage, but my time will close to.

And what do I want to do before that time is up? Like. It's so powerful to think about that. Of course, like my purpose has been fulfilled just by being alive and my life has gone exactly as it was supposed to. Given the thoughts and choices that I made along the way, and the future is still available to me, I'm still here. I'm still on the stage. I still have an opportunity. I'm still making pie like it's now right? My time is now, and there's plenty that I can still do if I want to the other day.

Like, I'm sure you've had the experience where you get like a reminder on your phone from Google and it would tell you like, hey, here's what's five years ago, here was two years ago and ten years ago, right? And it shows you the photos, right? And one day that happened to me and I was like looking through the photos. And I was like, you know, what would be so cool is if you could get photos from the future and like, Google could be like, here's five years from now and here's ten years from now, right? It'd be so cool if I could see, like, like, get a preview of what my life is going to look like in ten years, right? And as I was thinking about that, I was like, but of course that doesn't work.

It will never work. We will never have that technology because of agency, because the future isn't written, because at any moment I get to make a different choice and will change that picture at any moment. I could choose something else, right? And I was just thinking how cool it is that as long as you occupy the stage, you still get to change the end of the play or the end of the ballet. Like there's still more coming, and that you have the sole responsibility of creating that, of deciding what comes next, of deciding your future.

And if you knew that there wasn't just one ending or one story, or one purpose or one future that you were supposed to figure out, but in fact, a million opportunities, a million endings, a million stories, a million futures, a million possible pictures in front of you to choose. What would you choose next? What would you make sure happens in your life? What do you want to do before you leave? And it's someone else's turn to occupy the stage? This question has been like shaping all of my decisions and goals for the new year.

I'm so excited about it as they think about like. Everything that has happened was supposed to. Because it did. Because those are the choices that I made. And yet nothing in front of me has been decided.

And that is so exciting. There was one way it was supposed to go, and that was the way that it did. But there are a million ways ahead of you, a million ways that it could go, and you get to decide what that is.

Okay. That is what I have for you today. My friends, don't forget, your purpose is just to be here and you are having the exact experience you are supposed to have. There isn't one right way because you are always learning and you can never not learn. And nothing, nothing in front of you has been written and it is all still 100% available for you to choose. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome. I love you for listening and I'll see you next week.

Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today. If you're serious about changing your life, you first have to change your mind. And the best way to do that is through coaching. I work with my clients one on one to help them change their thoughts and their feelings about themselves, their lives, and their challenges so that they can live a life they love. If you'd like to work with me one on one, you can learn more and schedule a free call to try coaching for yourself at Aprilpricecoaching.com