Restocking Your Life

I recently cleaned out my closet and intentionally decided, piece by piece, the items that I wanted to keep in my wardrobe and the ones that I no longer needed or wanted.

What if we did the same thing in our lives?

If I went through my life piece by piece and examined each element—my habits, my schedule, my relationships, my work, my faith, the thoughts and feelings that I have most, the things I spend my time on—are they all things that I really want to be choosing? Given the choice to put them in my life, would I choose them again? Is my life full of things that I intentionally want to be there?

In today’s podcast, I ask three questions that you can use to evaluate whether you are prioritizing the things that are really important to you so you can make sure your life is stocked with all the things you like and want.

Transcript

Welcome to the 100% Awesome Podcast with April Price. You might not know it, but every result in your life is 100% because of the thoughts you think. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome.

Hello podcast universe! Welcome to episode 258 of the 100% Awesome Podcast. I'm April Price, I want to welcome all of you to the podcast today and to the second half of my life. For those of you keeping track right now on the day that this podcast is being released, I am surfing off the coast of Costa Rica and, you know, just have a very physical, tangible reminder about what the second half of my life is going to be about. And I think that's important for all of us to consider. Like if we want things to be different, we've got to make different choices. So, this is one of them that I made, and I'm going to explain more about that later in the episode making that decision. But welcome, welcome to the episode wherever you are listening. And I am delighted that you are here. I hope that you are having an amazing spring, and I hope that things are good in your life. Let's just get into it. If you listen to last week's episode, you'll know that I recently turned 50 years old, and last week I really talked about evaluating the first half of my life and gleaning all the lessons that I feel like I learned in that first half.

And on this week's episode, I've really been thinking about sort of like second half strategies, right? So, like, given the things that we learned in the first half and the experiences we had in the first half, given all those lessons, what are the adjustments, if any, that that I want to make going forward in in the second half of this game, right? What adjustments or changes do I want to make in the second half of my life? And so, to set this episode up, I actually want to share two other experiences, two other metaphors that I want you to consider as you think about just kind of evaluating where you are in your life and, and making changes. So, the first happened a few weeks ago. David and I went down to Tucson to help our son, Caleb move apartments, and his lease was up and he was ready to move on and try a different apartment. And so David and I drove down there one weekend to help him pack up and get settled in his new place. And because going down and doing this move was happened so close to my 50th birthday, and my mind was already thinking so much about kind of this halfway marker in my life, kind of delineating the first half and the second half as as we were moving him in, I kept thinking about moving out of the first half of my life and moving into the second. And I kept thinking about like, what are the things that I want to take with me? And what are the things that I just really don't want to move into the second half of my life. Right. We all know that when you live somewhere for any length of time, like things start to accumulate, right? Like you acquire things and after a while, sometimes you stop using those things or needing some of those things, and yet you've also kind of stopped seeing those things. Right? And so they just sort of accumulate.

And then when it's time to move, you kind of see them again for the first time and you have a moment of evaluation where you're like, do I even want this thing? Do I need this thing? Is this worth the effort of putting it in a box and hauling it up and down these stairs and finding a new place to put it in my new place, right? Like you just kind of like, start to decide. Like that might not even be the worth the effort of moving it. And of course, I've had many similar thoughts and feelings about the things that have accumulated in my life. Slowly but surely, things take up space and time and effort in my life. And as I think about moving into the second half here, I've tried to sort of like make a similar evaluation. Like, is this worth keeping? Do I still want this? Do I still need this in my life? And if I decide to keep it, what will I have in my life? What will be the result of that? Another 50 years? Or if I get rid of it, what will that create over the next five decades? Now, of course. Like it's not like now or never, right? Like you get to change your mind at any time, right? The stakes are not as high as my brain wants to make them turning 50. My brain's like, oh my gosh, it's really important. Everything you decide right now, at the start of this 50 years, right? It's going to make or break it. But I think for all of us, we're all going to have these moments of reflection now and then in our lives, right? Like moving apartments, they're just, like, primed to be a really good time to evaluate and consider and reconsider what you really want and whether or not your current choices are kind of lining up with what you want, lining up with your desires.
And so then, just a few days after we helped Caleb move, I had a really good friend who was also my stylist come for a visit, and we did like a whole closet refresh for my 50th birthday and we went through my closet. We actually pulled every single thing out and then piece by piece, we decided what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to let go of, and I tried everything on, you know, we evaluated whether or not it fit, whether or not it looked good, whether or not I even like it. And piece by piece, then we put the things that I really wanted back in the closet. And then we got rid of everything else. And the first night that we were doing this, David came home late from work and he saw this like pile of hangers of all the things that we were getting rid of, right? And the pile of hangers, the empty hangers was like huge. And he, like, looked at that pile of hangers and he was like, are you got rid of that much stuff? And I was like, yeah, it's crazy, right? And admittedly, when I saw that pile of hangers, like it almost feels a little bit scary, right? Like, oh my gosh, what am I going to wear, right? But what was amazing to recognize is that I wasn't actually wearing any of the things that were on those hangers, like they were hanging in my closet, but I wasn't actually reaching for them.

I wasn't actually using them. I wasn't actually ever wearing them. And every morning I was sort of dressing around them, right? I was like avoiding them. And they were taking up space, but I wasn't actually using them. And so then when I took them out of the closet, like, technically I had less stuff, but in reality I wasn't actually losing anything because I wasn't using them anyway. And so by taking everything out and getting rid of the things that I wasn't using, it was really what I was removing was all the unusable, unnecessary stuff that was just taking up space. And my stylist said something to me that, like, was so profound to me. She said, you want to walk in your closet and feel like you are surrounded by good friends. I loved that thought. Right? She's like, I want you to walk in there and feel like every piece in there is your good friend, something you love, something that you feel great in, right? And I just love the idea of being surrounded by good friends in my life. Not just in my closet, right, but in my life in general. And in the activities I choose, the thoughts I choose, the feelings I choose. I want to be surrounded by good friends. And it just really made me think about, okay, well, what are the things that make up my life? What are the thoughts and feelings and choices I make? What are the activities that I have? What are the habits that I have? Who are the people that I spend time with? What are the things I spend my time on? And are they all good friends like? Is my life full of things I intentionally want to be there? Or they're just things that are taking up space that that I don't really enjoy or don't really want don't really make me feel good.

And if I went through my life and looked at the things that made up my life the last five decades, piece by piece, if I pulled everything out and piece by piece, held it in my hand and evaluated it, would I intentionally put it back into my life? Would I put it back so that it would be there and be a part of the next 50 years? Or are there things that I've kind of been working around, things that need to be removed so that I can move around my life easier, so that I can make room for things that I really love, things that are my good friends. And I really have thought about stocking my life intentionally with the things that I want and love. So that's what I want to talk about today. And I want to give it a couple of caveats before we begin. The first is that, like, of course, I know we don't get to pick everything that happens in our life. There are circumstances that are coming into my life, into your life that maybe we never would have picked. Right. And there are going to be plenty of experiences here in the second half that I don't yet know are coming, that on face value when I first experienced them, they are not going to feel like good friends, right? That is going to happen to each of us. There are plenty of challenges and circumstances that are going to happen over the course of our lives that we would never intend. We choose. But just because we don't pick it all doesn't mean we can't be intentional about the things that we do get to pick, that we do get to choose. Like our brain thinks it's all or nothing. Well, you can't choose everything, so you might as well choose nothing, right? Like. But the truth is, it's some combination of that. Yes, there are things that are part of my curriculum of life that I may not intentionally choose, but I have so much agency as well.

And if I just think, well, I don't get to pick everything, so I might as well choose nothing. I'm missing out on so much. Okay, so this podcast is really about. Paying attention and noticing and being intentional about the things that you are choosing. Deciding those intentionally and check in with yourself to see if it's what you want to keep choosing. All right. No matter how old you are, no matter where you are in your life. The second caveat is just that like, it doesn't matter how old you are, we always need to be sort of evaluating if we are living the life we want to live. And I also want to point out that you don't need a birthday right to do this work. It doesn't matter. Like at any moment we get to make a different choice, right? So the things that I talk about today, they apply to all of us, no matter where we are in our life. All right. And the last thing that I want to say is that I really want to advocate for you the practice of trying things on. So, if we go back to kind of the closet refresh metaphor. After we cleaned everything out in the closet. And like in that process, we tried everything on, right. There were plenty of things where I was like, I don't think this fits anymore. And I would try it on and it did. Or I would be like, I don't know if I really like this, and I'd try it on and I'd be like, oh, I forgot how much I did like this. Or the opposite, right? I really like this. I tried it on and didn't quite look the way I wanted it to. And when we went shopping in the in the day after, like there were so many things that my stylist would say, what about this? And I'm like, hmm.

And she's like, try it on. And like, you have to try it on to see if it fits. It will surprise you. There are so many things that were just like, we discount or we dismiss and we're like, I know that style or that color or that cut is not gonna look good to me. And you would be surprised, right? So you've got to try it on and see if it fits. And I feel the same way about thoughts. I feel the same way about these questions that I'm going to ask you. You might hear a question and think like, that's not for me. Or you might hear a thought and be like, yeah, that's not going to work on me. It's not going to work in my life. That's not going to fit my life. And I would really encourage you to try it on, see how you feel when you think it. See how you feel when you ask and answer the question. See what you would do if you believed it was true. What would change in your action line? What would change in your life if? You believed this thought or pursued the answer to that question. All right. And really give yourself a minute to try it on. You will be surprised. Okay. All right. So with that extra long introduction, here are the things that I'm really intentionally stalking the second half of my life with. And I want to present these in the form of three questions, three questions that I think we should all be asking ourselves.

Okay. The first question is what do I want? What do I want? Now, that question honestly might already be making you feel a little bit uncomfortable. I just want you to try it on, okay? Like, I think that most of us probably find this question really uncomfortable when we first ask it. Like it might feel a little bit selfish to ask it, it might feel dangerous to ask it, and you might be scared that if you ask it, you won't even know the answer to the question, right? But I find that too often we are living from the question of have to like, what do I have to do, right? What is required of me? Instead of what do I want like, want? When we frame things in terms of what we want? Like it can really feel a little bit selfish or maybe spoiled. You might think, well, like I it doesn't matter what I want. I can't just do what I want, right? Like I'll never do. If I just do what I want. I'll never do any of the things that I have to do or I'm supposed to do. But the truth is, I find that when we frame the question this way, it changes our experience, right? We might be doing all the same things, but instead of doing them, because we have to, we're doing them because we've acknowledged to ourself that actually this is what I want. What if everything I do, I'm doing it because I want to do it like that just allows you to become much more intentional and aware of your own power to choose your own agency.

And many times, like all those things I was telling myself I have to do are actually things I want to do. But it feels so energetically different to be like, oh, I have to do this thing as opposed to like, I want to do these things, and I really want to encourage you to think about living your life, stalking your life from your desires rather than your obligations. It is such a different experience. And again, it might include all the same things, but you're approaching it as the chooser rather than the thing that's being acted upon, right? So there's a really powerful exercise that you can actually do with this as you make a list of the things you want and every other thing on the list, write something that you already have that you want. All right. So if I was making a list, right, like I want to learn to surf. And the second thing on the list is I want to be married to David. Right. And you just recognizing, like, that's the thing I already have that I want, like, I want everything in the closet of my life to be there because I want it to be.

Not because it's just like I have to, or it's too hard or too painful to to change it. Like, I want to be really intentional, that my life has all the things I want in it, and you can kind of go through your life piece by piece and ask yourself, do I want this? Do I love this? All right, so I think there are lots of reasons why we don't ask ourselves what we want. Like I think, as I already said, I think we don't ask ourselves what we want because it feels selfish. I also think it feels really vulnerable to want things that we may not get. Sometimes we don't ask the question because then we're like, well, I know if I don't get it, then I then I can't be disappointed, right? But the truth is, is that we are always the creators of our disappointment. And I think it's so much better to know what I want and to let myself try and then have my back if it doesn't go the way that I want it to. Right. And we're going to talk more about that in a minute. But I think that's so much better than to never ask myself what I want and never give myself the chance to get it right. Here in my 50th year, I'm realizing I'm not going to be here forever. I want to try all these things and fail rather than not try. And I want to know what I want before I'm not here. And the other thing that I would say is like, you will be surprised at what is possible if you allow yourself to find out what you want. Right? Like, there's so many things in our life we've just told ourselves that's not for us. We've just told ourselves that doesn't that can't fit in the closet of my life. But it's entirely possible that we're wrong about that. Just the other day, I had an appointment with my chiropractor and I had to go right after I went running. And so, you know, I was still in my workout gear and, you know, a little bit sweaty and all of that. Anyway, he was just like, oh my gosh. He's like, what? What are you training for right now? What are you up to? And I was telling him, oh, I, you know, I have a marathon coming up. And he goes like a whole marathon. And I was like, yeah, oh. And then and I told him, oh. And then after that I'm doing, you know, ever sitting again. And, and he was like, man, he's like, just think back to our first appointment.

And, you know, he was just kind of reminiscing. And he's like, you never would have believed that this was possible. And I was like, I know. I remember walking into this appointment and just thinking like, if I could just be out of pain enough to drive my car, that would be amazing, right? Like if I pursue that from the position of like what I want, I want to be able to drive without pain, right? And like my expectations were so low, I just really didn't even believe that that thing was possible. Right. And he said, like, now look at you like, and I want to offer all of you, like, I don't know what your circumstances are and I don't know what your actual limitations are, but neither do you, right? And your past is not an indication of what's possible. And I've just started to believe that anything is possible, given enough time and enough desire that I can figure out a way to make it happen. Right. First I had to get out of pain. Then I had to learn to walk. Then I had to build my my strength. Then I, you know, even when I first started running, he was like, do a day on the elliptical where it's like low impact and then do a day of running and then switch it off, you know, and he was like, build that up slowly.

But I it just amazes me that if I pursue my desire to like, be out of pain and I just keep following my desires, I keep doing what I want, then it's amazing what you can create over time. I think sometimes we don't ask ourselves what we want because we're afraid of what other people are going to think about what we want and think about our desires. Maybe they'll think that what we want is stupid, or out of reach, or wrong, or wicked in some way, right? And what I want to say is they might. They're allowed to think about your desires any way they want, but you don't get to decide what they think. You just get to decide what you think. You just get to decide if you approve of your desires. Like. And honestly, I find that for the most part, it's not so much about what other people think about my desires, but my own. Expectations or rules or fears or insecurities about the things that I want, right? And sometimes when I'm worried about what other people think, what I really need to ask myself is. But what do you think? All right.

So, I just think this is a powerful question for all of us. What do I want? And I've decided that I can trust myself. I can trust my desires. The things that I want are good. They come from God and they come from me. And I am good, right? So, I will just add one other thing. Another reason that we don't ask what we want is that we think that it's too late. And I want you to know it's never too late. If you are alive, there is still another choice to make, right? Even if you don't get to the quote unquote finish line. Like our finite brains tend to think in terms of like a beginning, middle, and end. And we think we have to have enough time to complete it, and we have to guess how much time it will take, guess how much time we have, and see if, like, we have enough time to see it through to the end, and only then will it be worth it. And we don't know any of those things. We don't know how long it will take. We don't know how long we have. And you know, it doesn't matter if we get to the end, if we're doing the things we want. And I think this thought that I don't have time isn't ever the truth like that is just your brain. I was talking to one of my kids the other day. You know, she's in her early 20s and she's just like, I don't have time. I don't have time for the things that I want. I did it wrong, right the last five years, and now I'm out of time and it's all a wash, right? And I hear the same thing from my clients who are in their 70s. Like, I don't have time. It's always just our brain. I like believing I have time for all the things I want because I only ever have now. Am I doing something right now that I want? That's the only question that you need to ask.

All right, okay, the second question that you can ask after what do I want? The next question is why does this matter to me? I think this is such an important question to ask yourself. You want to be curious about your motives? Why do I want the things I want? And for me, I'm really like asking that question because I want to make sure I'm not wanting the thing to prove anything to anyone in the second half of my life, or to prove even anything to me. I don't, I'm not doing it to earn anyone's approval, especially my own. If I don't want it, or if I only want it because of somebody else's expectations or desires, then I want to know that. And I want to be able to question whether or not it's something that I want to do, right. I want to be open enough to figure out why I'm doing it. Am I doing it for me? Is this a thing that I really want? I don't want to be doing it because I needed to to be good or or I need to prove that I'm capable or I need to please someone else, or like I need to do important things that, like other people will admire or look at or think are worthy. I don't need to do anything to prove my worth or my value or my love ability, right? So, so many times the things we're doing, we're doing because of like what other people will think of us. And there's nothing inherently wrong with that. It's just that your life might be stocked with things that they want instead of the things that you want. I don't want to do things just to be safe or to feel secure or to like, make sure I don't fail or make sure I'm not judged. Like, again, these reasons aren't wrong, but they are the reasons that make us feel a little trapped or resentful about our choices.

Like, I really want to know why I'm choosing it and figure out what that reason is and like, own it, acknowledge it, and acknowledge that I am the chooser. I'm choosing this so that other people will be happy. Like, I want to know that it doesn't make it wrong, but it makes me evaluate, okay, if that's the case, you're choosing it because that's what other people want. Do you want to keep choosing it? If the answer is yes, great. Like you want to know why you're choosing it. You can't choose something else if you don't actually know you are choosing it, right? So when I know I'm choosing it, then I can stop resenting other people, stop resenting the circumstances and recognize like, no, I'm the chooser and I can either decide to approve of this choice or change my mind about this choice. So why does this thing matter to me? Do I like that reason? And then I can just go all in on supporting myself and making the choices that I need to make to pursue it, and to find joy in it and to be proud of myself. Okay, so that brings me to the last question, which is what do I need? Like, what do I need if this is what I want and this is why it matters to me, then what do I need to be able to do it? What do I need to be able to have the support and the encouragement and the resources to be able to accomplish it in my life? All right. So, I recently I went to a state conference, and the mission president was talking about that. When the new missionaries come into their mission, his wife sits down and has a talk with them, and she tells them, listen, you're not at home anymore, right? Like you are away from home and now you have to be your own advocate. You have to recognize what you need, and you need to speak up for yourself. You know, she was like, if if there's something wrong in the apartment, like, you don't just like assume like, well, that's the way it has to be.

Like, you speak up for yourself if there's something wrong, like with your health or physically, mentally, emotionally, you got to advocate for yourself. No one else knows what's happening inside of you. No one else knows what you need. You have to be your own advocate. And I was sitting there listening to this, and I just thought this was so powerful, even for me at 50 years old. Like, I have to tell myself that, like, whatever it is that I want, I'm going to have to advocate for it. Whatever it is that I want in my life, I'm gonna have to support myself. I'm gonna have to speak up for myself. I'm gonna have to advocate for myself so that I can get what I want. Right? If that's the thing I want, then what choices do I need to make? What changes do I need to make? What help do I need in order to make that happen in my life? Do I need encouragement? Do I need appreciation? Do I need accountability? Do I need permission? Right? Like this part isn't as easy as it sounds, and it can feel selfish to be able to say like, hey, I need something. And really, you're telling yourself you need it from yourself.

That feels uncomfortable. We want other people to see it. We want other people to reach out. We want other people to know what we need and take care of it. Right. Just like this mission president was talking to these missionaries like you, I we can't read your mind. You've got to be your own advocate. And it can feel really uncomfortable, right? It can feel like, oh, you want permission or approval or validation from other people first. And I've been really amazed at how. Just uncomfortable. This whole idea is about like providing and advocating for myself. So, right now, like I said, I'm at surf camp. And like about six months ago, David was like, hey, for your 50th, I want you to just like, pick a trip that you want to do, right. And, you know, I know the things that he really enjoys. And so my brain was like, okay, I'll find something that we both enjoy. And he's like, I really want you to just like pick a trip that you would enjoy. And I had this idea, like, I want to go to surf camp where I can like surfer, like seven days in a row and like, you know, really learn some things and get some practice in.

But I knew that he wouldn't really want to do that, right. Like he would just be sitting on the beach watching me do this anyway. So I just kind of like, was like, this is the thing I really want to do. But like every time I went to like, sign up for it and put money down on it, I kept thinking like, this is really selfish, right? Like, this is maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe this is not how we should be spending our money. Maybe we should do something that we can do together. Like like my brain just really was like, uh, the answer to the question of what I need is, was like, well, I need lessons and I need some practice. And that felt so hard to, like, advocate for that thing for myself. Another really kind of silly example is my body sort of transitioning, I think, through perimenopause, and I have all of these physical symptoms that I'm dealing with, like really incredible fatigue and other symptoms. And I keep putting off making a doctor's appointment because I don't want to look dumb or I don't want to look needy, or my brain keeps saying like, oh, you know, this is just a normal part of life. You'll just transition through it and, and just like, deal with it or whatever.

And I keep thinking that David's going to see I need help and then make a suggestion for a doctor or make an appointment or whatever. And it's just like, it's so silly when it's the thing that I need and the thing that I want, right? And I feel so hard to, like, advocate for myself and even to go into the doctor's office and say like, hey, I'm not doing so hot. That feels like, for whatever reason, really uncomfortable. And so I just think this answering this question, what do I need it? It actually might feel a little bit uncomfortable to put time and resources and effort and energy and emotional expenditure towards the things that you need were really used to doing it for other people. But we've got to be able to advocate for ourselves. And when you really think about it like it's selfish to expect someone else to do it for us or someone else to notice it for us. The selfless thing is to be in charge of it myself, to take responsibility and to take care of my needs. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't need help and I don't ask for help. That's I'm not saying do it yourself. What I'm saying is like, be your own advocate to make sure you get the help that you need. The other thing that I would say about the things that I need, I find that I need permission to fail and to be bad at things like, there's so many things I want, but I'm scared of being bad at it or or looking dumb or, you know, being a beginner. And so one of the things that I really need is the permission to be bad at it and the permission to fail and the permission to look stupid if I need to. And I really need to have an unbreakable contract with myself that I will never make myself wrong for that never make myself wrong for trying and practicing and learning and doing the things at whatever skill level I have.

Like a lot of the pain in the first half of my life was created by thinking that I should be good at it, that it should be good at the things that I was trying to do. And that is the thought that I am intentionally, you know, removing from the closet of my life. I don't need to be good at anything. I'm just here to practice and do the things that I want to do and try all the things that I want to try. So this is an important question to ask yourself. What do I need? And sometimes it's just an emotional agreement you have with yourself. Like I need to be able to trust myself. I need to listen to myself. I need to approve of myself and my and my desires. I need to push myself. I need to understand the way that I work and and the way my brain works. I need to approve of myself and encourage myself and appreciate myself and be my own best friend. Those are the things I need emotionally for myself. So this question what do I need? It's about like warmly regarding yourself and your desires is important and then giving yourself everything you need to support you in that process, whatever that looks like the permission, the time, the resources, the support, the encouragement, like all those things you can provide for yourself. So I want to listen to what I want. I want to really understand why I want it, and then I want to make sure I have the things I need to be able to get that these three questions are what I'm using to just guide the second half of my life, and make sure that it is stocked with all the things that I love, stocked with good friends. So, the three questions what do I want? Why is this important to me and what do I need? Those three questions are guiding my decisions, and I hope they will help you create a life that you love, wherever and whenever you are in the journey of your own life. And that, my friends, is 100% awesome. I love you for listening and I'll see you next week.

Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today. If you're serious about changing your life, you first have to change your mind. And the best way to do that is through coaching. I work with my clients one on one to help them change their thoughts and their feelings about themselves, their lives, and their challenges so that they can live a life they love. If you'd like to work with me one on one, you can learn more and schedule a free call to try coaching for yourself at Aprilpricecoaching.com.