The Greatest Gifts You Can Give Your Children
May 11, 2023
Today on the podcast I’m sharing the things that I think are the greatest gifts you give your children. But you should know that they are really gifts for you in disguise.
These are the gifts that you give your children that will make your own life better, your relationship with them sweeter, and they are the gifts that will give you more peace and more happiness in your role as a mom.
The Greatest Gifts You Can Give Your Children
These gifts that you can give your children are actually gifts for yourself. They will help you love yourself and your children better and enjoy the experience of motherhood so much more.
1. Life
You have already given your children the greatest gift that you can, which is the gift of life.
Done. Good job! I don't think you get enough credit for creating their bodies, giving them life and sacrificing so much so that they can have a chance to be here on Earth.
2. Permission to choose
Of course, God has already given them this gift. What I really mean here is giving them the permission to really and truly exercise their agency without making it mean anything about them or their life (or you as a parent).
I think deep down each one of us wants our children to choose. But we're also scared that they might choose incorrectly and that that will create pain for them.
Create a space where they are just allowed to make the choices that they want to make.
Our children can't do it wrong. All they can ever do is learn. This is true for all of us.
3. Ownership of the right models
I use this blanket term of “models” to include everything that they think, feel, do and create in their life.
Often, as mothers, we take responsibility for their models, meaning we make it our job to make sure they’re happy and successful. And we tie our own models to our kids’ outcomes.
We’re saying, “Listen, I can only be a good mother if you behave and you perform.”
There’s so much peace in separating our own choices from the choices our kids make, for them and for us.
When we are not managing other people's experiences and choices, then we can be present and curious about our own.
4. Love them as they are
When we aren't loving people as they are, it's always because of our thoughts.
We think that they should be different in some way, that who they are is wrong in some way or that something about their choices is supposed to be different, based on our own expectations.
This causes us to suffer and have conditions on our love.
What are your expectations for your children? Why do you think it needs to be this way?
Often, thinking that our expectations are better for them inadvertently causes us to reject the version that they are right now.
Love is never going to be created by your child’s choices. It is created by how you decide to think about them, and YOU are the one who gets to feel that.
5. Love yourself as you are
No one is harder on themselves than mothers. And yet, there's no one who is trying as hard either.
I don’t think there is another group of people in the world that have a greater set of expectations put upon them by other people - by society, by our children, by our partners and by ourselves.
It is time to start managing your own expectations. When we try to live up to a high standard of motherhood, when we have expectations beyond our capacity, it only creates shame, disconnection and pain.
That shame and your opinion of yourself as a person and as a mother is getting in the way of you loving them.
The greatest gift that you can give your children is to approve of your mothering. It will allow you to show up more present than you ever have.
You are a human mother. You're not supposed to know how, and you're not supposed to be good at it. All of this is just for your experience, your learning how to love children that you've been given and how to love yourself in it.
And when you can love them as they are and you can love you as you are. That's when your mothering gets so good.
You’ll Learn:
- The greatest gift you can give your child
- How to love without conditions
- What is (and isn’t) your responsibility as a mother
- What to do if you’re struggling to love your child, exactly as they are right now
Featured in this episode:
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