The Ideal You

At this time every year you probably hear a lot of people talking about your “ideal self” or becoming “the best version of you.”

On the surface, these sound like lovely thoughts.

But they imply that who you are and where you are and the version of you that exists right now is less than. Lacking. Could be better. Doesn’t quite meet with our approval yet.

The problem with this is two-fold.

One, we start pursuing this ideal version, changing and becoming, from a place of negativity and subtle (or not-so-subtle) disapproval. This is the hardest way to change and rarely works long term.

And two, it begins a self-improvement quest that doesn’t have a finish line. You never arrive at “ideal.” There is no place you can get where there isn’t more to fix. We are running on a hamster wheel of improvement fueled by disapproval and shame and self-loathing, chasing a constantly moving target. And it’s a painful way to live your life.

Here’s what I want you to know: no one has ever become their ideal self. There is no such thing. Or rather, who we are is always our ideal self. We are always the exact version we should be and there isn’t a better version waiting for us somewhere.

There may be versions of you that makes different choices which create a different life experiences.

There may be versions of you with more skill in love or patience or compassion.

There may be versions of you with more money or less weight or new habits.

There may be versions of you with different relationships with yourself and others.

But you won’t be better if you become any of those versions of you.

You can’t be better.

You are already ideal. And there’s nothing you can do to change that.

xo,

April

P.S. One of my most popular podcast episodes from last year was all about this: Episode 53: How to Love Yourself for Real. Go listen to it if you a need a reminder about how ideal you really are. 

P.P.S. If you want to feel amazing about yourself while you create all the things you want in your life, I invite you to try coaching. You'll never love yourself so much while achieving so many results.